When the words don’t come, it puts me at a loss. That the words don’t come doesn’t necessarily herald a hard season. Sometimes it heralds a season to be savored. A season to just pause and take it all it – the sweet and the sour, the high and low, the tough and the tender.
It’s been a year! Not a 2017 kind of year. Just a 365 days kind of year. This time last year, walking was terribly painful – after pneumonia and surgery – my muscles thought it was time to curl up and stop. Thanks to yoga, muscle stretching and time, I am myself again – which means I am still not an Olympian, but I can get the job done and then some!
These 365 days have been full of loss, birth and the in-between stuff. I haven’t known how to write about it. God stayed my hand from writing, so I just watched and soaked. . . soaked up family during the loss of my aunt – the oldest of the sisters – in September and my mother-in-law in early November . . . soaked up my 4th son’s final soccer season and graduation . . . soaked up a crazy-wonderful holiday full of laughter and adventure . . . still soaking up my first grandson that came over a week ago.
Soaking meant an lot of watching, a lot of listening and a lot of quiet, like watching one son face challenges to gain something more than he imagined – not what he wanted to gain – but something more valuable in the long run.
The daily living in between the mourning and the celebrations was the mortar that bound the bricks and stones of my soul house together during this year of extreme highs and lows.
No, I didn’t journal the tender or write through the tough. I took a lot of photos that helped me process – and I cooked through – and shared the fruits of both with family and friends.
There were stews, and soups, pasta and chicken, fried chicken and gravy, grilled cheeses, bacon and cheese pastries, and garlic butter biscuits.
There were scones, chocolate chip cookies, garlic buttered biscuit, and all types of Muddy Cakes: Muddy Cakes for birthdays – friends and family. Muddy Cakes for celebrations. Muddy Cakes just to love others when I wasn’t sure what else God wanted me to do (Muddy is my grandma name – so I started calling them Muddy Cakes).
Someone said, “You need to open a bakery.”
No – they’re not for sale. They’re for love and friendship.
Toward the end of the school year, the boys had had enough cake. I detected a potential revolution ahead.
The youngest, he said to me, “You’re slipping, Mom. You used to cook the most amazing breakfasts. Remember those granola bars you used to make with the stuff with the man with the white hair?”
“You mean Quaker Oats?”
“You only have two more years, Mom. You need to push through.”
I pushed through, finishing the school year with granola bars made with the oatmeal that has the man with the white hair. I made eggs and bacon on toast with ketchup. I did it all – and then bought some Lucky Charms to give me a brief rest.
Maybe this pushing through made me remember other recipes from other times – tasty memories. This Spring, in the middle of soccer season, I remembered the Thousand Island dressing I’d made in high school for school lunches. It was a tasty memory that started a craving. Timing was somehow right, too. I found myself rummaging through Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook that I received when I married. It had the recipe for a salad dressing from my grandmother’s Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook (not so new I guess) that I’d used in high school. About 35+ years later, I wanted to see if it was good now as it was then.
I modified mine a bit, probably just like I did all those years ago – the spices, pantry items and fridge contents aren’t all that different. I am my grandmother’s granddaughter after all. I mixed and stirred – and tasted.
Thousand Island
I cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup relish and 1/4 cup ketchup (not chili sauce)
2 finely choppped hard-boiled eggs
2 tablespoons each finely chopped: green peppers, celery, and onion (I spun mine in a food processor)
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp salt
If you think it’s too thick, add 1 tablespoon buttermilk
It was – as good now as it was then.
Then, during our family holiday in France, yes – France! I’ve always wanted to do a bicycle tour through the Loire Valley! And we didn’t because, well, I said I wasn’t an Olympian. ! We drove – through the Loire Valley, up past William the Conquerors place over to Normandy’s Utah and Omaha beaches and on to Paris. There was still miles and miles of walking a day. I got the job done and then some!
Three of our sons went with us to France. After 48 hours, they missed my cooking.
“Mom,” they each said.” You could open a restaurant here, and it would be packed every day.” To them, I was the best cook in France. I tried to explain that the French would be just as miserable with my cooking. McDonald’s was greeted by these guys as a long lost friend after three to four days.
The most gorgeous art work was in the patisseries – Delectable! Divine! Delicous! Besides the patisserie offerings – one cafe’s buttermilk dressing on a salad made me want to make a Mason jar of it when I got home.
This newly discovered appreciation of my cooking increased my value in their estimation. When we walked – and we walked a lot, I found myself hedged in before and behind me. Losing me seemed a real possibility. Of course, the time in Chambord Chateau their dad offered them 5 Euros to whoever could find me first might have had something to do with it. They weren’t taking any chances of losing me again.
I found unlooked for treasures in France. Maybe these young men did, too.
I’d tried one of the buttermilk dressing packets months ago, but it just didn’t dazzle me like the recipe at the little French Cafe. I decided to try Martha Stewart’s Buttermilk Dressing. I didn’t veer much from her recipe.
Buttermilk Dressing
3/4 C. Buttermilk (I used whole Buttermilk)
1/2 C. mayonnaise
1/4 cup finely chopped shallot (about 1 shallot)(I used a garlic press)
2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt (I used sea salt)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1/4 teaspoon celery salt (I used celery seed)
I made it when I got home – and it was a good thing! Martha’s tasted like the little French cafe’s buttermilk dressing that was so very delightful. I will admit that I just might have possibly fell in love with shallots!
My youngest, he tasted my Buttermilk Dressing – and liked it. “Not for salads,” he said. “Great for dipping. It needs to be thicker or salads – so just pick that up at the grocery story”
However, he’s keeping me busy keeping the mason jar full. I have trouble keeping this one for more than 3 days. It goes fast.
There’s a bit of chard in my little patch of garden. The cucumbers are ready. The tomatoes are taking their time. The grocery provides the broccoli – my youngest’s favorite. Carrots, onions and other items Peter Rabbit would appreciate come from the Farmer’s Market on Saturday mornings. I wouldn’t want to grow everything, I enjoy my Farmer’s Market Saturday mornings too much.
Then there’s Aunt Joyce’s Salad Dressing. I make it year round (you can find the recipe here). Aunt Joyce started making it my freshman year of college. It reminds me of all those nightly dinners with Grandmother, Mom and Aunt Joyce. I miss a kitchen filled with these women. I guess that’s the price you pay when your husband says “You’re a pioneer woman” when his company wanted him to move to Detroit and he found a different job in this little town in Tennessee about 26 years ago. We both left our families, packed up our red Ford truck, our first little boy and set up house in this sweet town. It’s our boys’ hometown now. All 5 of them. Except they’re not boys anymore. Not really even boys to men. They’re men – even the 16 year old. If you treat them like men, instead of boys, they tend to act like how you treat them.
Good recipes, like these salad dressing recipes, are reminders of the good things from where I came from and where I’ve been.
Someone messaged me wondering how I managed to do everything I do. To be honest, there’s a lot I don’t do – or do well. The dishes get stacked up, the socks left unmatched, this and that piles us. I plan for a Monday stew to last through Wednesday (Is that cheating?). There are dayswhen I feel like I’m being whirled in a lettuce spinner. It takes me 3 hours to create a spotless kitchen that takes someone else 30 minutes. There are days when I need either to have taken more seriously conversations with my sons – and other days when I need to have been less serious.
“Mom, do I need a sign on my head that says, ‘Sarcasm?” the 4th one, the one with the humor so dry it is self-combustible asked.
“Ummmmm, Yes! Can you take care of that?” I say, really hoping that one day he will have one for me. It isn’t encouraging when your mom laughs at the wrong time or takes jokes seriously resulting in unwanted lectures.
This has been a year where doing what I love for the ones I love has also meant doing something things I love rarely, like writing.
In a soaking year, when the words don’t come, and loved stories ended, other stories wove themselves while all I could do was watch, love, and cheer – cooking was one of the few things I could do.
It feels like a new season is beginning. Something different is in the air. The words finally came. I knew God would send them when He was ready for me to have them.
If you’ve read this far, you deserve a Muddy Cake! It has been an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink kind of post – but it felt right to do it this way.
was missing you, and totally understand – when my words are few, my pots and pans and bowls are dirtier
You say it so eloquently! Yes! My pots and pans and bowls have been dirtier – but He has given me a savory, tasty season. Thank you for missing me, too – when I first read your comment, it was a sweet, welcoming hug!
You had me at ” …and I cooked through…” and so I read every word and will share on my welcomeheart, welcomehome page where we share all things hospitality which includes grilled cheese and now, muddy cakes. Keep writing. This year has primed you for it. I have whole buttermilk in the fridge. I’m not a pioneer woman but I cook for love. And i’ve been a little blue of late (not my usual) so it may be a day to cook through. let’s stay in touch. sue (and i laugh at the wrong time at times w/ three semi-adult daughters)
I think good moms do laugh at the wrong times – our enjoyment might pop out at the wrong time – but it does – doesn’t it! Yes, I will share the recipe with you. Can you message me on Facebook, and I will give it to you – but I have one rule. Before you can share the recipe with someone else, you have to make it 10 times. Not doubling it five, but making it 10 times. That way you can call it your own:) Your comment warmed my heart! So nice to meet you! ~ Maryleigh
really? 10? I don’t think I’ve made anything 10 times except chicken ceasar pasta and pb brownies…
can you please share muddy cake recipe?
Sweet Maryleigh! What a “365-day year” you’ve had! This is such a centering post. Cooking for those you love, the time spent with your family – it all fills my heart with such thanksgiving for all you’ve experienced! If your writing flows now, and I suspect it will, we will all be the better for having waited for it. Thank you for sharing your “everything but the kitchen sink.”!
It was an “everything but the kitchen sink” – wasn’t it?! Thank you for coming by – and welcoming me back from a 365 quiet journey! You blessed me – thank you!
wonderful written and savored. I love this! Photography can be a form of prayer and you certainly showed us this with a great spiritual reminder too. Muddly cake sounds wonderful and FRANCE?? wow. Isn’t that how the blog/book/movie Julia/Julie began – she wanted to cook like Julie Childs? Your blog reminded me of that story. so glad I stopped by here tonight and catch up with you.
I am so glad you stopped by, too! Yes – my camera has drawn me away from a lot of business into time with him, into noticing his thousands of gifts that he leaves. Muddy cakes are just right sized cakes for 2 to 4 people:) Just perfect for brightening someone’s day. It is amazing the tools God gives us to love on his children! Thank you for stopping by – and blessing me with your insight! Shalom, Jean! ~ Maryleigh
You have been through so much. I love how you have shared your life through pictures. Sometimes they tell more of our story than words ever will. Blessings as you continue your journey and find the words to tell us all about it.
Mary, How you “get” my post is like sitting over coffee going, “I know exactly what you mean.” Pictures and poetry say so very much. I don’t think I’ve been through more than any other person – but it sure was a 365 days stacked with a lot of the circle of life – I think we hit almost all the big event things in a life. I like to live life like pulling a pretty dress out of a box, with all its wrapping, and shake it out to admire. There wasn’t a lot of time for shaking out – but God gives us that time at just the right time! Thank you for coming by, reading and the conversation! You blessed me! Thank you!
Some people do well just blogging through it all. For me, I have to have God’s inspiration to write an encouraging post. I don’t want to write things just because of habit or other reasons. Sometimes we go through a season where we need to be ministered to instead of ministering, and that’s okay.
Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment! May the Lord continue to help you as He teaches you from all these difficult trials that you have been living this last year.
Thanks so much for coming by! There were difficult trials, but so many deeply beautiful moments, too! During that 365 days, except for a wedding, I think we experienced so many of the major life markers with our family – the highest highs and the lowest lows – and God met us at both ends and in between!
I loved your post, as always! It is always good to catch up with you here….the recipes sound amazing. So grateful for God’s mercies and to know that you are feeling so much better now. He is so faithful!
I think many of us would benefit from more soaking and less doing! Your post challenges me to do this.
The Muddy Cakes look amazing. I love your philosophy that they are for love and friendship!
These recipes sound amazing. But I would have to say that cooking wouldn’t be my pushing through thing. LOL I’m sure my family would rather be with you during those times!
Your family would be welcome during those times! You, too! Cooking – yes! Cleaning, No! We all have our gifts! Thank you for coming by and joining in the conversation. Such a joy!
Yes, one muddy cake, please. The pics make them look outta this world! But then again, all of the food looks that way. I fear I’d have a difficulty choosing. Sweet, lovely post that whisked me along for a ride in this past year. Welcome back to writing. #faithonfire