For the last three years, I’ve gone to work on snow days. The boys stayed home. Little enough time to make Blue Cotton Hot Chocolate, no scrumptious scones, sitting long, talking much at the kitchen counter left me feeling unnaturally stretched – well, because that’s where the soul conversations seemed to happen – and working from 8 to 4:30 narrowed not just the time for big and little soul things, but the energy left over to live those pursue them rightly. Add soccer schedules, school events, and all the unplanned events – and time narrowed even more, leaving scant little room for the so very important little things that make such a difference in the big things.
“I was pushed back and about to fall,
But the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
He has become my salvation”(Psalm 118: 13-14).
I realized in the last three years, that I’m not as good at multi-tasking the mom-spouse-me roles as I thought. I realized, also, that I need buffer time scheduled in my day to make room for the unexpected. I also need time to let my mind run down, pursue thoughts and ideas like rabbits through warrens. Not having that time left me feeling empty of myself. I already knew I wasn’t Super-Woman. I have peace to just be this blue cotton woman. Mostly, I knew that home needed more of the mama and the sweetheart.
“The Lord is gracious and righteous;
Our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simple-hearted;
When I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
For the Lord has been good to you” (Psalm 116:5-7).
Compressed time depressed the spilling of heart things – and these boys-to-men of mine need time to spill those things – in their own way, in their own growing-up-kind-of time. Boys need time for the words to ooze out, un-rushed, mostly unprompted. Trying to speed up communication pauperized conversation.
Time and energy – to also pick up on word cues, thrown out, trying to catch this mama’s attention, word cues that are nonchalant idea bait, indirectly saying, “A bit of help required.”
“He restores my soul” (Psalm 23: 3).
This mom needed time for those little things – time to sit long, talk much, time to think, time to match socks and wipe the counter down, time to soak in His word, time to love in all the love languages, time to not rush things that shouldn’t be rushed.
During the past two weeks, I’ve cooked a beef stew with mushrooms and carrots, scones and hot chocolate. There’ve been veggies, grilled cheese, cinnamon rolls at breakfast and homemade chocolate chip cookies after school – and a Soli Deo Gloria Homecoming cake.
This has been a God-In-It homecoming – a homecoming that I didn’t realize would be so important to me or to my family about 28 years ago.
My thoughts have chased ideas the rabbit warrens of my soul. There were 10 a.m. chess matches at the counter when my son’s friends dog-piled at out house for the snowstorm. The snow? A gift from God for this heart of mine.
“In my anguish I cried to the Lord,
and he answered by setting me free” (Psalm 118:5).
Soli Deo Gloria – Glory to you God alone for this homecoming. Thank you, Shaddai for setting me free – not because I’m somebody – because we know I’m just a simple, blue cotton woman. Thank you for setting me free because I’m yours.