It is hard when our children learn to deal with the diverse responses of relationships in the classroom. They have their close friends who have their back, then more peripheral friends, and, lastly, conflict peers.
Some of my sons are water-off-a-duck’s back with social conflict. No ruffly feathers here. Some take it to heart and have trouble shaking the continual attempt to establish a pecking-order by conflict peers.
“They don’t like me mom,” one son said of a particular group of boys. Let me qualify that he has awesome friends. When the bully in the bathroom threatened peers in the bathroom, regardless of whether they were his close friends or peers, he had no problem telling the bully to move on.
“Dude, you’re too small to beat him up,” he told the bully in the bathroom. Instead of a fight ensuing, people laughed and everybody left. The bully in the bathroom was momentarily deflated.
Another time, my son was explaining classroom dynamics with a group of trouble-makers. My son explained, “When they ask me to help with their homework, they’re nice. But then they turn mean again.”
How do you explain to a boy growing into a man that with confidence comes responsibility. Confidence shouldn’t be used for beating down, but for leading into faith. Confidence doesn’t just happen: God put it there for a reason.
“Every time you help, you plant a Jesus seed,” I responded.
He looked at me.
“We all have different bloom times. To a lot of these kids, you have it all. You do great in school, on the soccer field. You have good friends. They don’t see how hard you work at home to do well in school. They just see a confident, well-liked kid. Apparently they respect and trust you to help them.”
He was still paying attention, so I continued, “Maybe right now they don’t feel as great about themselves. Maybe they don’t see the gifts inside them that they see in you – and they feel inadequate.”
“What’s inadequate?” he asked, trying to grab hold of what I was saying.
“If you go to the store and they ring up 22 dollars but you only have 20 – you have inadequate funding,” I explained. “Everybody’s bloom time is different. Gift recognition and development sometimes takes others pointing out your strengths. Right now – these kids see can’t see their strengths. Sometimes it’s easier to see another’s strengths than your own.”
I could identify with the late bloomers – not the bullying part, but not being able to see the good things within. I’d been a late bloomer in school.
This conversation occurred in one of the last bed-time chronicles before my boy outgrew them. I tried to encourage that with great gifts comes great responsibility- and that means your response to these challenges needs to be more intentional and responsible.
Last year, I encouraged the boys to find 3 people to pray for every day – not just the easy people, but the bully, the kid who gets on your nerves, the student who tries their best to be unnoticed. They didn’t do it everyday, but a seed was planted.
We’re starting this year with the same message – but being more intentional, recognizing the mission field they walk through every day, understanding how God doesn’t want a one lost.
God calls us to take risks with the talents He gives us. In the story of the man with the talents, he gave one $5,000, $2,000 and $1,000. Two men took risks of their talents and doubled their investment. One just hid his, fearing failure.
Christ commissioned us to go out into the nations and save souls for Him (Matthew 28: 19-20), to tell others about His father. God has equipped each of us for this task, equipped us like the man equipped his servants with the talents. Early bloomers, late bloomers – each is called to enter the mission field. Our first mission field is our family, the second our schools, then our community – and then the world.
“‘Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this “play-it-safe” who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.’”Matthew 25: 28-30).
God calls us to be risk-takers. Yes, go out on a limb – take God-risks. I don’t know if there’s a right age to reach others for Christ; however, our children need to be encouraged to not judge and condemn those who struggle with good choices – but to go out on a limb, be kind, plant a seed: be willing to sit down, really talk, really share, really listen. Don’t use the limb to beat others down. Use it as a leverage to lift them up.
This is such a wonderful message. I am so glad I stopped by today. “Everybody’s bloom time is different.” How true this is and how greatly this spoke to me this morning. I’m sitting here reading through again and again. I really need to come visit you more frequently. Blessings.
“How do you explain to a boy growing into a man that with confidence comes responsibility.”
Planting Jesus seeds. I love that!
Great post! We’ve struggled with this too with my oldest. I love how you encouraged him in it- gives me some good ideas for when this comes up again too. Thanks for sharing!
-S.L. Payne, uncommongrace.net
Gosh I love this. What a great thing to teach your boys!
Hello You are a wise women! I believe we can all plant seeds! Our daughter was about 6years old when she lead her Grandpa to the Lord on his death bed! I really enjoy your words! I just believe I am thinking that I have been hiding my talents. And Going out on the limb is a bit scary!
Blessings, Roxy
Reading this gives me a whole new respect and awe for the persistent, intentional work it takes to nurture seeds in kids – and to show them how to do this in others. Wow. It’s a pleasure to read your words again through Unforced Rhythms.
I love the beautiful imagery of planting Jesus seeds. I’m thinking they spread much like my vinca vine — you planted them in your boy and they spread to his classmates. I wonder how far they go–beyond the classroom and into your town to the city… ~Pamela
Great way to explain this to your son. Kids need this kind of encouraement to strengthen them for the challenges they face. He sounds like a wonderful son…you are so blessed. …<…Cathy
What wonderful words of advice to your boys and to all of us! So glad I popped by your place today! Your boys have a great mom!
((Hugs))
Bev
Love these lines: “go out on a limb, be kind, plant a seed: be willing to sit down, really talk, really share, really listen. Don’t use the limb to beat others down. Use it as a leverage to lift them up.” As a teacher in a small Christian school, I pray this for my students also—that they see beyond their own little world & reach out to the struggling ones, the ones who might push them away at first but need their friendship the most. I’m your neighbor at the blog link-up & am always glad to stop in & be inspired here! Blessings!
What a softly beautiful exquisite message. It touched me deeply to read your care to teach your son such soul deep things.
You boys will grow up to be awesome men and they will remember those talks at bedtime, or after school. Thank you for sharing your lovely post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.” At: http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/
I appreciate this message, Maryleigh. Cade starts high school just after Labor Day. High school! I don’t feel ready!
Love this! Thank you for the ideas, especially having my kids pray for 3 people every day.