Ummmm, I need some help here. Do you see me? Hand raised, face red, embarrassed because my by-the-book parenting skills just don’t always produce the results discussed.
Asking for help? Don’t want to do it (ask for help that is) . . . because asking for help equals failure, inadequacy – just plain not measuring up. Doesn’t it?
I used to think so. How terribly wrong I was.
You and I, we were designed to need help. If we didn’t – need help – would we turn to God? Not just turn to God, lift one eye-brow and acknowledge Him – but drop on our knees, drop the very soul of ourselves at His feet and say, “i need YOU.”
God designed us in His image – just like He reaches out to us, we each are designed to reach out. . . . to all His children – the good, the bad, the easy, the hard, the lovable, the unlovable, the hurting and even those who seem so whole, so put together.
I must admit, with my first-born, I didn’t need as much help. I did all the things the parenting books suggested – from love to discipline, to chores to Christ, to loving your neighbor, to teaching about tithing and healing and praying. We successfully launched him into college – and into independence. “Thanks for the independence with training wheels,” he said one day before he graduated. This parenting gig seemed so easy.
I realize now that it wasn’t so much of what we did, but how God designed him: coachable, logical, born-an-old-man. I think Isaac might have been like that to Abraham. I mean, what son or daughter would just hop on top of a sacrificial alter because their dad said it was the right thing to do?
If you’ve had a nest-full of coachable, easy to shepherd, minimal problem kids – you really don’t need to read further. If your nest has been diverse – different personalities, different levels of coachability, differently designed and wired – so that all those parenting books suddenly don’t apply – then Kathi Lipp’s book i need some help here! might be just the read you need.
Have you ever felt like you’re raising a rebel like Samson, a thief and runner like Jacob, someone who run’s from God’s plan like Jonah, the prodigal even – then you probably need some encouragement – someone who won’t condemn your child’s brokenness, blame it on your supposed secret sin, someone who will pray God’s plan with you over your child (regardless of the age) – someone who recognizes that Godly parents have children who struggle – with life – whether it is due to choices, health issues – or outside issues that affect their inner soul.
Kathi points out: “This is the road no one wants to travel the road of having a child that is struggling. But there are priceless treasures along the way if you allow God to work in your life and your child’s (Kathi Lipp).
She also says, “I was not a perfect mom, but I was the mom God chose for them, and therefore I was the perfect mom them” (Lipp).
In the process of raising these children, God refines us. “Once your heart has been broken for your kids, God can use that brokenness to woo you to be the kind of parent he needs you to be,” Kathi explains.
My goal as a parent was to raise whole, healthy children – physically and spiritually. I didn’t want to break them, scathe them, wound them. Yet because of sin, we are all born broken. Because of my brokenness, I cannot be a perfect parent: I cannot fix everything that breaks.
I cannot make everything o.k.
God can, though.
Kathi encourages us in i need some help here! to set healthy boundaries and expectations – not just on our children, but ourselves: when our children are overwhelmed, troubled, different, sick makes poor choices, run away from God, lacks character, struggles and feels left out.
You are not alone. God doesn’t want you or me to be isolated as our children struggle. He doesn’t want us hiding behind shame. He wants us to encourage each other by our faith in Him. Kathi’s book does just that. You can find more about Kathi over at her place: Kathi Lipp- Your Life. On Purpose.
“God doesn’t want you or me to be isolated as our children struggle. He doesn’t want us hiding behind shame.”
Thank you for this! When one of our sons entered into a ‘difficult time’, we were stunned and completely at a loss. All our carefully constructed family structures did not prevent his rebellion. If it wasn’t for an encouraging older couple who listened, advised and prayed for us, I don’t know where we would’ve landed. Thanks again for speaking truth where it is sorely needed.
s
I’m going to save the title of this book. So often I wish I had a resource to offer to struggling parents. Sometimes they just need to know someone else has faced this, too. I love the quote, “I was not the perfect mom but I’m the mom God picked for them…” ~Pamela
Stopping by from Holley’s page— this book looks like a great resource! Parenting is a heartbreaking, heart-swelling, challenge and joy, and we certainly all have our ‘moments’, no matter how old our kids are! Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay to ask for help 🙂
Thanks so much for linking up today! I so needed to hear this! I’ve been struggling with some of my boys horribly this week and been near the end of my rope with how worried I have been about their hearts. They are still young, 9, 6, and 3 but as you said, they are so very different! This was so encouraging and I appreciate your sharing!
-S.L. Payne, uncommongrace.net
My first born was so easy, and I was so young and foolish I actually thought it was due to my excellent parenting. And then I had my strong willed second born! Wow! Talk about a quick lesson in humility! I thought something was wrong with both her and me until I read James Dobson’s The Strong Willed Child. It was a life changer for me. This book you mentioned sounds like something I could have used as well.
Hi Maryleigh, I have the same sort of scenario, the eldest has been a breeze, with the odd hiccup. The youngest, ai ai! So much more challenging and mine-field negotiating. But I love what you quote here “I am not the perfect mom, but I am the perfect mom for them” It has taken me a while to figure that out because one can feel so inadequate, and then on top of that, you are dealing with your own life changing issues outside of parenting! Man, we do need the Lord daily don’t we?
God bless my friend
Tracy
Mary Leigh,
Kathy’s book and your words are such a balm to all parents who struggle and who doesn’t at some time….and it sounds like Kathy and you have found the treasure in the struggle….Thank you for your encouraging heart 🙂
This sounds like a lovely book full of encouragement and hope. It’s horrible when you realize that you aren’t a ‘wonderful’ parent and that you kid was just ‘wired right’! ;). But it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who made that startling discovery when the second child was born ;).
Wish that book had been around when I needed it! Thank goodness for my mom who guided me, pointed me, and pushed me to the right directions! And for a child who easily forgave his parent’s foibles!!
‘Because of my brokenness, I cannot be a perfect parent: I cannot fix everything that breaks.
I cannot make everything o.k.
God can, though.’
Mary Leigh … you’ve said it all. Right in these words. And you offer so much hope.
God knows every parent needs that lifeline.
Aside from parents, many influences which may not be beneficial to our children abound outside that of our homes. But if we, parents are rooted firmly in His ground, like the author, I believe that’s what makes parent-child relationship strong…because His values are what’s being passed on to our children. Thank you for this.