Summertime at the pool growing up consisted of diving, racing and breath-holding. Diving, I wasn’t so good at diving, but the backstroke and breath-holding – I could give anyone a run for their money.
Breath-holding in competition might not be such a bad thing, but living breath-holding, well, it just about sucked all the good things in life right out of it.
I was living through challenges like I was holding my breath under water, pausing all living but the challenge. I assured myself I would breathe again when the challenge was resolved and tidily put behind me. Only then would I break through the surface into the figurative sunshine to gulp the fresh, summertime air.
It’s lonely there, under the water, counting the seconds till I felt my lungs would burst. It’s also isolating counting the seconds, focusing every thought on the right-now challenge.
Living life waiting to exhale is no way to live.
I’m still learning.
Some were sweet lessons like nine months of learning to live in the wait of each son born.
Some learning to exhale lessons were a mixture of sweet and soul-sweat: 12 years for each boy to graduate high school – and learning to breathe through each individual academic, social and behavorial challenge – big and little, little and big.
The hard challenges, though, the hands-off challenges of parenting, where independence claims our children, where some are designed to learn through experience – or as one son described this independence-on-training wheels to no-training wheels:
“I took my independence on scoop at a time. He took it in one truck load.”
I cannot live my life holding my breath or watch my sons live their lives holding my breath.
One cannot live God’s plan holding their breath.
Faith means exhaling, to continue breathing while something as simple as a pot works on boiling or a child growing lives free-will.
I once shared office space with a professor who taught Tolkien. Waiting for students to come see us during office hours, we talked literature, students – and life.
“Breathe in, ‘Lord Jesus Christ,'” he coached. “Breathe out,’Have mercy on me.'”
. . . . and so I breath in “Lord Jesus Christ:
“The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life” (Job 33:4)
and I exhale, “Have mercy on me. . .”
. . . . and He does.
Most days, I’m a fighter – and so I fight to live life exhaling. In the midst of a challenge, I find Him in a cup of Kiwi Lime Ginger tea, sink deep into my grandfather’s chair
breathing in, “Lord Jesus Christ”
breathing out, “Have mercy on me.”
– and maybe read a bit or knit, rearrange my garden – cut some lavender, hydrangea and bergamont,
breathing in, “Lord Jesus Christ”
breathing out, “Have mercy on me.”
cook some lemon curd or summertime gazpacho – and invite God to join me in all of it, steeping His goodness into my life.
breathing in, “Lord Jesus Christ”
breathing out, “Have mercy on me.”
I give Him the challenge – and right there the answer is assured, though I don’t know sometimes what the answer will look like. I can stop counting the minutes until resolution. I can exhale.
“But it is the spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding” (Job 32:8)
Wow! Did I need this tonight! I am in the midst of a struggle…one of those kinds that makes you hold your breath…just as you described. Thank you for this gentle reminder to let go and let God. Sometimes, that is the hardest thing to do…to take off my hands and release it all into His all-knowing grasp. God bless you for this!
Amen – just the inhale/exhale I needed this morning. Peace – elaine
Beautiful truth.
Much needed word today!!!! Saying amen as I exhale!!!
Good Morning! Words of wisdom and I must say holding your breath does not feel pleasant or comfortable.I am visiting family in a place filled with humidity and I feel like I have been holding my breath and it makes you feel heavy.
Loved this so much!
Lovely words. So glad I linked up next to you at Soli Deo Gloria this week. 🙂
that photo? i just want to linger awhile …
thanks for the restfulness, the peace. i breathe deep, i exhale.
As one who is constantly trying to figure out my version of crazy, I get this. Now I just need to practice this because lately, my head wants to explode about ten times a day from holding my breath. Thanks Maryleigh!
I definitely feel like I’m holding my breath, Maryleigh. That’s the way it feels when I let the anxiety over my overloaded and far-behind to-do list get to me. I often have to stop and remind myself to breathe and breathe deeply. I love the idea of breathing in Jesus and breathing out “have mercy on me.” That will be the prayer that I whisper today. Hugs to you, sweet friend!
I found your post really beautiful. The theme resonated as I do my best to weed out chaos and stress from my life. Your post would be perfect for Lisa-Jo Baker’s 5-minute Friday. Her word for the week was ‘exhale’
Beautiful! I too hold my breath many days instead of living life as an exhale to glorify God. I feel we are kindred spirits-I have two grown sons. Thank you for the beauty in your words! Blessings, Mary
I love the thought of exhaling and inhaling as we live our Christian life.
I find myself taking deep breaths as I read this (breathing deeply is a new skill for me 😉 )..I’m savoring the smell of the rain pounding down outside my open window. I’m sinking into the reality that I DON’T have to hold my breath underwater and alone. Jesus has me covered. Thank you.
You know I love you, girlfriend!! I Lurve this!! One of my favorite sayings “Breathe in faith, Breathe out fear” was established during my cancer treatment. We can’t live unless we breathe it out and we certainly can’t live without His breath on us and in us!!
When we breathe like that, our souls calm – along with our heart rate, our breathing – and it allows Him to expand all around us. I don’t want to live without His breath on us or in us, either! I’ve been thinking about breathing in God – and when I breath out – His Holy Spirit, His plan – because of our faith – is released all around us. I’ve been trying to visualize that! Thank you for coming by – and sharing part of your story breathing in and releasing God!
~Maryleigh