If only . . .
I lived in a French cottage where roses grew in bouquets over a garden wall,
and there were more movies with Nick and Nora,
And D. E. Stevenson could write more books where nothing really happens but everyday faith and overcoming with time working the living knots out nicely.
If only . . .
summer gazpacho and German Pinks tasted as good in December as they do in July
and chocolate cake with homemade ice cream had no calories
and that a size 9 left room to grow
If only . . .
I could go back and say the right words that wouldn’t come in real-time in moments and regret wasn’t a cataloged memory
If only . . .
people didn’t misread my words, my heart, my soul
my intent
my truth
If only . . .
I weren’t so literal
or that my sons didn’t remember my fail moments,
and that I could match the mismatched socks.
If only . . .
some days I could go back to when I was a rock star mom – at least for an hour
Or to the courtship days when true love was beginning and young and full of exuberance
If only . . .
naps or coffee left me energized,
that I listened better,
that my heart didn’t grieve its sores
If only . . .
I could swing again with grandmother on the front porch,
that grandfather and I could walk hand-in-hand like the time we walked away from the pool – and I wanted that walk to last forever because there was not only belonging in that hand-holding time but of being a treasured child,
and that mom and I could relive chasing a fly at midnight
If only . . .
I’d understood that God can take the heart moments of treasures that are like crumbs to some
and weave God-designed dreams out of a little girl’s heart who met him in the back of a closet when my mama said, “God knows what you’re thinking even when you’re hiding” because I was mad because mama was making me clean my room and I didn’t want to clean my mess.
(5 minutes Mark)
If onlies . . .
are like strings on the footpath of my God-designed journey,
that try to trip me, leave me sprawling, and wanting to give up.
If onlies
live only in the past as things lost,
out of reach, or as failures
failures not allowing God
to redeem each broken moment
that I made or those in my story made
or those if-onlies not meant to be part of my story
Those if-only moments
sometimes prepare my heart
for God’s plan
but sometimes they catapult
me
straight into God’s plan.
If only . . .
I had realized earlier
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14).
If only I’d had some Wild Apple Ginger Tea earlier, or life had slowed down sooner, maybe I would have been able to join 5 Minute Friday more often lately. Won’t you join me over at Kate’s Place for 5 Minute Friday? Sit down, pull over a cup of Wild Apple Ginger Tea, and see what everybody else is writing about the word . . . “Only” Maybe you can join in – it’s just 5 minutes.
Brilliant post and insights!
For what it’s worth, I learned to put the If Onlies behind me when I realized that life is like a Snickerdoodle…there’s no way you can get the cinnamon out of the cookie.
The bad decisions I made brought graces in their wake, and to wish the bad away would mean that the good must also be wished away.
Oh, no. God draws straight with crooked lines, and far be it for me to correct His drawing hand.
#1 at FMF this week.
https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/12/your-dying-spouse-417-caregivers.html
Beautiful musings. The verse is the perfect ending too.
I love how you added the Phil verse at the end! Because this is how real life is sometimes. We say these things but when we get filled up on truth, it can readjust our focus, inside and out. Thank you for sharing!
Wonderful verse and reflections on “if only!”
Lovely. If only, can make us mourn the past, or we can see the ribbon God is weaving through our lives.
Perfectly beautiful!
Beautiful post here. I’ve got some of those “If Onlies” too. I had to smile at the If Only I wasn’t so literal . . . that’s me. And the rock star mom? Well, for now, that’s a thing of the past. Because I am, of course, raising teenagers right now. So, I seek to be there for them in the moments when they don’t need a rockstar mom, but they do. need a listening ear. I’m thinking on Phil 3 now. Thank you for that!
I relate to so many of your if only’s. This ending captures it all so beautifully, Maryleigh:
“If only . . .
I had realized earlier
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14).”
Oh, this all resonates with me! I had a period of great difficulty when all I could hear were the “if only” lies, and learning to stand in the truth that God is bigger than all of our choices and mistakes was a huge shifter for me. To know we can forget it all and trust that He is still working in our lives to grow, shape and bless is such comfort.