Sometimes the right recipe for the right occasion to achieve the right results – well, you need to think out-of-the-can instead of out-of-the-box. Mama Grizzly’s Fiery Dip, not for the faint-hearted, is one of those recipes.
You know all those things you said your children wouldn’t do? Like licking up the side of somebody else’s birthday cake? Or have a girl-friend in the 6th grade? Not love reading? Get in a fight? Wear a Hooters’ T-Shirt? Or . . . . dip?
Yes, I said dip – that nasty tobacco habit resulting in painful, deforming jaw removal? My child putting pinches of dip between their cheek and gum? That same cheek that was born pinchably perfect!
Don’t get me wrong. I have problems with our country telling people they cannot smoke and if the do, where they can. Being American is all about Freedom to Choose. After all, I do want to Smoke a Pipe with Vanilla Tobacco when I’m 85 years old. By then, it won’t negatively affect my health. I cannot be a poor influence on my children. Plus the grandchildren and great-grandchildren will definitely remember me.
But when you’re living in my house – you’re not going to choose to destroy your lungs, your tongue, your jaw and your heart. I brought my sons into this world perfect – and, well, when they leave the nest, they’re going to be in as good of shape as I can possible manage.
But my son dipping? In school? Would you believe it? They let me son dip in school.
Sometimes a mom has to let the grizzly within out. It doesn’t matter whether you like Sarah Palin or not – she’s got it right about those Mama Grizzlies! 1) Don’t Mess with My Cub, and 2) If my cub is misbehavin’ – I am not too timid to find a way to increase their surivival capabilities.
1) Before you go to bed at night, mix 1 teaspoon coffee grounds with 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper. Shake (use those little bitty Glad storage container). Leave beside your bed.
2) While your dip user is showering the next morning, pull a can of dip right out of their pants pocket. Dump it all in the little bitty Glad storage container with the coffee/cayenne mixture. Shake well. Pour back into the dip can and press dip firmly.
3) Place back in pants pocket.
Perhaps they just might throw up and say you owe them a can of dip. If so, just raise your eyebrow, laugh, and say, “No Way.”
He will buy another can of dip. He will hide it when he showers. But then one day, he will forget. One should never underestimate a Mama Grizzly.
After the second attempt, he might say, “Nobody can make me quit. Only I can decide when I quit.”
Just raise your eyebrow, nod solemnly and walk away, as if to make dinner. Yes, only he can decide when to quit – but who says I cannot help the quitting along? I mean, one can only take double nasty so long. Right? Repeat as often as you can.
So, next time your son walks away from you, with the telltale imprint of a can of dip in his back pocket, just smile, head to the kitchen to whip up some of Mama Grizzly’s Dip – Dip made with all of Mama’s Love!
Maybe one day, when he walks away from you, all you see is an imprint of a bad habit, fading away.