Friendship makes a trip to the hospital to put socks on your feet, which you cannot reach, so you can walk, like the doctor ordered, after your baby was born. Friendship answers the phone call to pray for a child – no details needed, no questions asked – friendship just prays. Friendship helps you give your child that first breathing treatment at home or helps with hand-prints on t-shirts at birthday parties. Friendship brings you a chocolate martini at your son’s wedding – just because. My particular friends enjoy my humor! Friendship knows you at your ugliest and loves you better for it!
One friend had me on her bathroom mirror – my name, that is, on a post-it note. She prayed for me daily. When my husband was in Chicago on business for the entire Fall semester (except for weekends), she brought my family homemade Mac ‘N Cheese. She was over 75 years old. She’s in heaven now and I really miss her. I am glad I had the courage to seek friendship in unexpected places. That’s where you find the best of friends.
I ♥ my friends. They are each gifts from God.
But I had to learn to look for these gifts from God in unexpected places.
If you walk into a crowded room of people you do not know, who do you migrate toward? Do you have a mental list of measurement traits? No! No! Don’t tell me. Just think about it. I think we all do. It is human nature.
I remember doing the same thing….sitting down by someone who looked like they would make a nice friend. Yet, they were not the relationship, the friend God had in store for me. By not looking beyond my expectations, I had missed the Lord’s companion.
I do not mean that I came to expect more. I mean my expectations were re-defined, like Mary’s relationship expectations were re-defined.
Mary had help seeing the companion God provided. An angel told her, “Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:36,37 NIV).
I do not doubt that Elizabeth would have been the last person Mary would have sought out for companionship and relationship. After all, she was an old woman. Mary’s story speaks to us as clearly as the angel did. The Lord provided an ally, a companion, a friend who understood and believed what the Lord had told her. The catch? Mary had to look beyond her expectations.
Mary heeded the angel. How hungry she must have been to share her burden with someone who could understand. “At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea” (Luke 1:39 NIV). Elizabeth welcomed and honored her.
God’s guide will welcome your companionship, not scrunch you into a busy schedule or emit a charity-case mentality.
Yet, keep in mind that first, Mary hurried to meet her, and then she greeted her first. You cannot wait for this person to come into your home, sit down, and comfort you. You must prepare your heart through prayer (Mary got ready), move out of your comfort zone of friends (Mary left her town and hurried to a town in the hill country), and then introduce yourself (Mary greeted Elizabeth). Mary could not have known Elizabeth would have received her so warmly, but she took the chance. You need to take that chance, too.
The benefits of fellowship with God’s companion are spiritual blessings. When the two women got together, Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. They were bold about the Lord’s place in their lives. Then, so wonderfully, so simply, Elizabeth encouraged Mary saying, “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.”(Luke 1: 45 NIV). Mary probably needed someone to tell her she was not crazy, that what happened was real. Who could better understand the condition of Mary’s heart and mind than a woman who had been barren all her life and probably condemned for it! Mary was pregnant and was condemned for it. Yet, here was somebody who understood the power and might of the great I AM.
Mary’s Song is evidence of her belief that God provided peace in a very difficult situation: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant…” (Luke 1:46-48 NIV). These two women’s shared common experience enabled them to comfort each other.
Find friends who lift you up when you are down. Comfort comes with encouraging words, not discouraging words. Surround yourself with people who talk about overcoming the challenging, not the stench that created the challenge. Make sure they support! Re-define the expectations of your support group.
The next time you walk into a room full of women, where will your eyes go?
Some of my favorite friends are those who are a bit older or younger then me…why one of my favorite friend’s just celebrated her 40th birthday and me, at age 31, was one of the youngest in the crowd…but I didn’t mind.
Oh, and speaking of a bit older…my husband’s MawMaw was at least 60 years my senior and I felt she was a valuable friend as well…maybe your 75 year old friend and Miss MawMaw are friends in heaven!
I used to have the opposite problem. I had my first baby at 22 and I had a hard time finding mom friends because I was “too young.” Friendship does come in many forms.
I love this post and your article for ST Publication! (Gorgeous pic of your eye!) You are such a blessing and you speak truth into relevant topics! Thanks for your beautiful life and ministry!
alisa
Thanks Alisa for the “gorgeous eyes” compliment! Made me smile! I thought the wrinkles around my eyes (which I need glasses to see – LOL) were perfect for this post. I didn’t want to use anyone elses – I thought the integrity of the article cried out for “wrinkles” – and they had to be my wrinkles. Kind of saying, “I am comfortable and unabashed about my age” and asking, “Are you comfortable with my age. . . . are you willing to look past my wrinkles to see if I am the friend God has in store for you.” The picture is cropped from the profile picture used in the article for Sanctified Together.
I think it’s so important to try have friends of all ages – to glean wisdom, encouragement, and support from those who have already been where I am, and for me, in turn, to encourage and remember and celebrate with the ones who are on their way. I cherish my older friends and younger ones – we are blessed indeed when we have both!
I love the wrinkles. I hope to have some similar ones by the time I’m in my forties – smile lines are definitely worth having! (I already have lines on my forehead, which I’m less happy about but hey. I’m going to be 32, I can’t look like a teenager forever. Now if someone would just tell my nose that!)
We have friends who are younger than us and friends who are quite a bit older, and we find it doesn’t matter at all. And I certainly appreciate the wisdom of the older ones who have already been through where I am! 🙂
I love making friends with women who have had more life experience than me. I get so much more from the relationships with them.
And FYI- my “I’m From” post was an assignment a HS English teacher gave her class. I saw it when I subbed and LOVED it.
I completely got over the age difference thing when I met my husband. We have a bit of an age gap and honestly I used to feel judged about it, but now I really don’t care what anyone else thinks. Same for friends and colleagues. Unfortunately, I think some of this has to do with our schooling system …. you get thrown in with people who are your age and you sit side by side with them for years and years, and we grow to expect that these are the same people we’re “supposed” to be with.
I feel lucky to have rid myself of those thoughts and feelings and I have so much appreciation for the relationships I have with people of all ages!
Thanks for sharing this with me…it’s beautiful.
My favorite line – Friendship knows you at your ugliest and loves you better for it! I love the idea of having some older wiser women walking the road with me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Michelle
Ha ha, yes indeed, we need someone to tell us we are not crazy! Yes I get that kind of support from my sisters. When I say, God said this…. they believe me!!! patsy
The average age in our church is 31 and I am 60. I love these young women and am so glad they allowed me into their lives.
Fondly,
Glenda
I love this perspective on sisterhood. To rediscover the friendship between Mary and Elizabeth and how they both got ready to embrace each other is such a blessing. I think this is genius! Will be sharing on twitter tomorrow!
I have friends of all ages, and I totally understand one of the previous posts – I married and had my kids young. While I still had friends my own age, friends that were married and / or moms at that time were generally older than me. I’ve always felt so blessed to have made these friends, because they always seemed to be able to help me through issues/problems that they had already dealt with. Truly gifts from God!
I love this…oh I have regrets of how I missed so many wonderful ladies because I was so narrow in my views… god is opening my heart and eyes to see those around me differently. He has brought wonderful surprise gifts into my life…the one thing I still long for is an older woman in my life….I am always at least the oldest…or have friends about my age…I have been asking The Lord…and “looking” for that older soul…I know he will provide when it is time. Blessings and here’s to coffee and friendship one day~