The Mother of Sons gig comes with a bag of issues. Paul Dean has broken the glass ceiling, though. Nobody questions her ability to cook or entertain as the mother of sons. Of course, she doesn’t have 5.
This is a Mary-Poppins-deep bag of issues! Decorating? Moot point. You took ballet? Really! Those are just surface slanders, though. The slander becomes more insidious when they demoralize the integrity of any young men-just because they are male. I cannot tell you how many times mothers of daughters have defamed the male gender–Christian women–who consider any young man a criminal just for being a boy. You would think that the young men in youth groups or Christian college groups might get a character break!
Then there is also the issue of birthing sons. When the first one was born, women encouraged me–“Oh, the next one will be a boy.” By the time I had the third son, the response, too often, was “what a shame.” Yes, I really did have people say that to me-with the 3rd, 4th, and 5th.
When the ultra-sound identified my fifth child as the fifth boy, I must admit my heart paused. I had a mini-identity crisis. I did not want to be the burley mom sitting on the top of the baseball bleachers, spitting bird seed, and hollering like a sailor. I’d never seen a mom like that, but I just knew that I would morph into that woman. However, sanity slowly crept back into my heart and mind. No, I have never spit bird seed. I have never hollered like a sailor. Yep, I did pack on a few pounds this summer. However, I do avoid the top of the bleachers–just to avoid temptation.
The true shame, though, is the evolving cultural view of men as inferior, idiots, disreputable, unworthy, useless, repugnant, animal-like . How many of women want a husband like that? What a miserable marriage!
If I had a daughter, I would want her surrounded by young men of distinguished courage and ability, nobility of purpose, faithful, a lover of God. Just so you know, those are the traits of a hero. All men have the spiritual mixins to be a hero,whether it is a life-saving hero, a fixing-the- tricycle-wheel hero to a 4 year old, or a hand-holding hero who squeezes encouragement into his wife’s hand, or the 9/11 fire-fighter kind of hero who goes into a building to save someone knowing he might not come out. Big and little heroes, little and big.
Bless is the man who trusts in the Lord,
and whose hope is in the Lord. For he shall be like a tree
planted by the waters, which spread out its roots by
the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its
leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year
of drought, nor will ceas from yielding fruit” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)
I have learned this last year, the peace, the beauty of letting my husband lead, letting him be the man, just as God created him to be. Growing up as a child of divorce, that is a true leap of faith and trust.
However, a culture that doesn’t expect greatness from its boys will not receive greatness when those boys become men. If society continues to hack away at the natural traits of men, like the roots to a tree seeking the water, then when the heat comes, when trouble comes, like a tree without water, men will fail.
No! Accept it! Boys are Boys! Girls are Girls! Boys learn differently than girls. Boys play differently than girls. Boys need to be able to defend themselves when someone punches them. Instead, they are slapped with a suspension because they dared to stop someone from punching them. Boys question, argue, debate. Boys do not just want to learn. They want to apply what they learn.
In Peter the Great by Robert K. Massie, Peter cannot sit still. He wants to stand and learn. He doesn’t want to learn math, science, history, astronomy; however, he wants Russia to have a navy. As a result, he learns through unit study where he learns everything there is about a navy: architecture, astronomy, math, history, literature, languge, engineering, science.
I taught composition for years. The young men in my class hated writing until they realized it would be a tool they used. Boys and men require purpose in their pursuits.
God instilled in them the tools needed to lead a family. Is it not time that our culture recognized those wonderful traits in men and let them be proud to be men? To embrace the boys growing to men in the schools, the youth groups, the extra-curricular activities?
Have you ever had a zit on your face that felt like the size of a mountain? Did you not think everyone could see it? Even though nobody noticed, that is how you defined yourself. I remember friends wailing, “I am so ugly.” But they weren’t. If we study and focus on the weakness of boys and man, then, like that zit, that is all we will see. Let us, then, focus on the hero traits within. By hearing and thinking about the good and great within, morewill reach to goodness and greatness. Afterall, we tend to live up to the expectations people have for us.
I am raising my sons to see the goodness and greatness within. They are handsome blessings from God created for goodness! What a shame, indeed!
My mother-in-law is the Mom of three sons and I admire how honorable she considers it.
I’m the mama of one son and I’m striving to be the same way!
Gracious, this post makes me want to go to the local “knight” store and suit up my sons for battle! Woo-hoo! Amen and amen and keep it going!
God has blessed me with a hero-husband the second time around. He fits every description you mentioned and has done his best at bestowing knighthood onto our three sons. As for me, I’ve had to step back and let him “be the man.” As a single mother for many years, and as the daughter of parents who valued my strength as a woman, I’ve had ample opportunities to learn some humility along these lines. God’s grace has allowed me such a leap.
Thanks for your passion and for the penning therein. I need a swift kick in the pants from time to time, especially when so well-written from a place of pure truth.
peace~elaine
I laughed hard at the picture you painted of yourself at the top of the bleachers yelling like a sailor and spitting seeds. I am still laughing thinking about it.
I love being a mom to my two boys and yes it is much different that being a mom to my three girls but I am trusting God to help me by his grace to instill in them the necessary elements of living to make their lives rich in character yet remaining dependent upon the Lord to walk in that character. I can mother them but only God can train their heart. What a privilege being a momma is. It is one that is pleasant as long as I depend upon Jesus to empower me to do it and one that is horrid if I don’t. I don’t know how people do it without Jesus.
What a great post! I agree with everything you have just posted! I love that you have a housefull of boys like we do! 🙂
What a great blog.
I too laughed out loud imagining you in the bleachers spitting bird seed and yelling like a sailor. ha!
I have one boy and one girl. I already see the HUGE differences in them.. I have soo much to learn. 🙂
Thanks for visiting my blog. Hubby and I appreciated your comment. We laughed!
Amen.
I found myself nodding to so many of your statements in this post. What a shame is right.
As a mom to (almost) 4 boys, I have heard some of the same comments. I actually posted about it a few months ago. I find it an honor that the Lord has entrusted these future men – future leaders – to my husband and I. We will prayerfully raise them to be what you describe…heros. In whatever sense of the word He has intended them for.
My husband is a wonderful leader and has much to offer as a father. Many times I find myself having to intentionally back away and observe him molding our boys. They need a mom. But they also need their dad to show them how it is to be a strong Christian man.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. Visit again soon.
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
I love being a boy mom. I have four boys and I spend countless hours sitting in bleachers. No seed spitting, sorry. I have been blessed with three daughters also and they are infinitely more difficult. When my last baby was on her way and they said “it’s a girl” I cried for a week. Some of us were just made to be boy moms.
Oh my, what a beautiful post. I certainly hope my daughter marries the son of a woman like you – raised as God would want him to be. And I hope that I can raise my two that way as well.
BTW I read the other day that if your third child is the same sex as the first two, you have to know you will only have one sex.
first of all, thanks for stopping by my blog. so glad my H1N1 talk got you fired up! 😉 i have a friend whose boy has sensory processing disorder too, so i know a bit about that. just think how sign language can help kids of all disorders… autism, dislexia, etc! it’s wonderful.
anywho, thank YOU for raising boys to be men of God. having a (young) daughter, I pray that she meets a man like you’ve described. yes, boys will be boys, but i pray that there are LOTS of Christian women out there (like yourself) that are raising their boys the right way, so my daughter has a fighting chance of meeting someone Godly.
God bless!
Wow! 5 boys! I can’t imagine. I have 2 boys and our house can get pretty crazy. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by my blog! Good post! and great blog you have here 🙂
You are one lucky woman! Maybe I am a little more open-minded than the most but I don’t see anything negative about males. Sometimes, secretly I wish I was one!
It all comes from the family. It’s all about the upbringing they are getting. And I am sure you are doing a wonderful job raising your boys.
P.S. Telling a woman “what a shame” after the birth of her baby-boy is tactless and rude.
I love being the mom to one boy. He is the most fantastic of children and I love him with all my heart. Now, this doesn’t mean I don’t long for a little girl someday to dress up, because I do : ) but I greatly love my little boy!
As the mom of three sons, I want to shake those who ask, “Are you going to try for a girl?” or “What a shame”…as if I had any control over the gender of my children.
I don’t like bird seeds, so I will leave that to my DH, who I pray every day will be the kind of man he needs to be to lead our family. His dad was not exactly “Father of the Year” material, so I hope he sees my father as a role model so that my precious sons of God will grow up to be good fathers, leaders, and lovers.
I ditto Amy Comments!
Did you know that King David had 19 Sons and only one daughter? I forget how many different wives David had. All I know is that he really loved the ladies that’s for sure. Regardless, God gave you five sons for a reason and that’s a good thing.
What I found interesting was your comment about mothers w/daughters comments. What’s up with that? Not you, them? Keep speaking out on this subject. Your voice needs to be heard.
You blog is lovely!
The latest one I got was “you’d better stop now, looks like you’d just get another boy” WOW, that one really hurt!
JUST another boy??? Just another young man to raise to one day be a Godly husband, father, friend… JUST???
I was disappointed as I waited for a Godly husband for myself, the guys all seemed so self involved and non-hero like. I want to bless three special girls with men who will love them and love God like the wonderful hero I found!
I’ve been thinking about this heaps lately with boy #3 making his apearance… I’ve noticed heaps of posts around blogland about it too. Maybe I should joinin the blogging boy mummy crusade…