I wanted to write about cool pillows, blue cotton blankets, orange dulce tea and wrapped up in a good book. No stress. No gracelessness. Just rest. A Holiday-kind of rest where nothing from the outside nibbles away at the inside.
That kind of rest is not today. Not right now.
Somehow, when the children were littler – even if fevers spiked and cheeks flushed, if brothers squabbled and food spilled – I could usher in rest in afternoon naps or evening bedtimes – rest re-setting everyone’s hearts. I was graceful at that. Temper tantrums and Mid-night wakes? Graceful! Where little hearts unburdened themselves trusting I could help them sort it out – wanting me to help sort to rightness. Graceful!
The teen years – where sleeps don’t re-set hearts, where I cannot site the source for every word, every thought they bring home, where boys-to-men hearts don’t unburden themselves, hide themselves, where home is a cage – and they don’t want to be there, where maybe they don’t quite love themselves like we do – oh, I am graceless here. graceless in rejection. graceless watching my boy-to-man facing challenges God did not design him to face.
graceless
and all I have is faith
To rest my head against
The heart of a mighty father,
A mighty brother
A mighty bride groom
While challenges scratch
Not just at this heart
That loves
That prays
The breathes in
Jesus Christ
Breathes out
Have mercy
Challenges that scratch
This mother’s heart
And scratch
This mother’s child
To rest my head against
The heart of a mighty Father
A mighty brother
A mighty bride groom
It is there that my faith
My hope
My trust
I believe
That He meets
My child
To lead him out
Of the challenge
Into the light
Into His plan
Into Salvation
Into Redemption
And living water
To rest my head against
The heart of the great I Am
the holy shepherd
is to breath life
into this faith, this hope,
this unconditional love He taught me
how to love
how to trust Him
that this is the only way
to walk this mother’s walk
I am not a perfect mom. I am a mom not good enough. I don’t give up, though. I don’t stop trying. I don’t stop loving. I don’t stop believing in Him.
I am resting my head against Shaddai, against His promise that to me, to you, to each of my sons – that He will be like the shepherd who pursues, searches and FINDS the lost sheep – my lost sheep – your lost sheep:
“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue” (Luke 15:4-7).
We all struggle. Each of our children face challenges. I’ve been here before. Prayers sent out a few years ago for one son returned this week, returned answered – only to brush up against prayers sent out for another son.
Bitter sweet. How can a heart rejoice and grieve at the same time? Yet, mine does.
I rest in the faith that the Holy Spirit will breathe a fire into the embers of faith planted deep, and that Holy Spirit fire will consume and burn away things not of the Father – revealing a life restored, the journey of a prayer answered returning home.
What a beautiful post! Your words brought rest to me tonight. Thank God for teaching us parents how to discipline and Love as He does; I’d be lost without His perfect example. “Bitter sweet. How can a heart rejoice and grieve at the same time? Yet, mine does.” Absolutely breathtaking- only through Jesus Christ are we able to do that- Keep trusting.
awesome post! very good reading for this mama, who from what i can tell, is in a similar stage of life (although the bulk of mine are girlies – my first is a boy… maybe i’ll have a few things figured out by the time our second boy gets there).
The 5mf part was great… but those first few paragraphs were just amazing. being a mama to littlers is exhausting and sometimes physical rest becomes a preoccupation. it is different (as every parent who’d gone before will attest) when they get bigger. that part about sleep re-starting hearts? so. true! great word picture.
Your words bring such longing to my heart for the time when I had to breathe in the life of our Lord Jesus to just be a mother! And even then I made a lot of mistakes. I love the stage where my boys are at now, for mine have started to open up to much deeper places of their heart! Your poem speaks of a longing that all the saints of the longing heart brigade knows of very well!
Much love XX
Mia
beautiful, thanks for sharing. The cadence of what you wrote is sometimes how I feel. A few words followed by a few more especially when this mama need rest.
Praying with you friend. Know that God will sustain you and your sons. He will be your oxygen and your strength. Fall into His arms.
Your brave mama heart resting on God’s unconditional love is breathtaking…praying God will continue to sustain you physically, emotionally and spiritually during this difficult parenting season…hugs to you, Mary Leigh 🙂
Love, love, love this. Every word, especially the parts that weren’t written within the 5 minutes. This is the ultimate picture of resting in Him. And your words are absolutely poetic and beautiful. Wow, just wow! Really glad to meet you here today!!
So beautiful, spoke to my heart today
Lovely post.
Mary Leigh this is really beautiful. Written from a true…and good…Mother’s heart. I remember those days when my son was at home…many hard days and nights. God is with you and yours.
Blessings friend.
This is so beautiful. LOVE IT.
You’re a great mama…knowing you can’t do it alone.
You’re a brave mama…braving these years with white knuckles that refuse to let go.
And your children are covered in those blue blankets of prayer, nurtured by the living well, raised by the Everlasting Word.
Friend, you breathe in deep as you claim your front row seat to watching His glory unfold. For He’s just getting started…{HUGS}