The pewter tulip bell that used to hang beside my grandmother’s front door, it fell to the ground the other day beside my back door.
The flag bracket for the flags that herald the seasons and moods of home beside my garage door – it fell to the ground, too.
When the rains came yesterday, we put buckets on the floor to catch the evidence of a family room roof leak.
These growing up challenges my boys to men face, there are broken things there, too – I’m supposed to be teaching them how to fix them – and sometimes, the lesson is a mess all around.
My kitchen table, instead of looking how I know it can look, is mini-piles of many messes. It’s more than a dinner table. It’s a work table, a business desk, an art table, a celebration table, a lecture table, a prayer table – and I just can’t seem to make it what I want – a neat, tidy, polished harvest table with 3 white pottery cups filled with zinnias.
There is so much evidence of the outside-of-myself brokenness.
For a moment tonight, a long moment, beyond a pause, a lie tried to slip into my mind – and, if it were to slip into my mind, it would try to drip into my heart where it would try to crowd out all hope.
The lie? Oh, it’s an old lie – like ants in the summer sneaking from the outside in, the lie tries to sneak in when I least feel equipped to handle it.
Standing in the kitchen among the near-last clippings of zinnias in mason jars, pottery cups and vases, and a green tin bucket of tomatoes that needed to be cooked, the lie, it crept in, uninvited, unwanted.
I wrapped myself in a quilt and crept out to the porch. In the darkness, I wished for a real-live, on-earth dad who would have made me feel awesome about myself, who would have fought for me, hugged those old lies away.
The Father, though, He didn’t leave me out there alone. He came and sat beside me, reminding me, “I call you by your name, I name you, though you do not know me” (Isaiah 45:4)
Though you do not know me, like I know you, He says.
I don’t know how to fix the bell or the flag bracket. I can’t fix the roof or patch the ceiling. That kitchen table with its mess – what do you do with the mess? I can’t even fix my children’s growing up challenges. All the things I really, really want to do – I seem to be coming up empty of what it takes.
“I have chosen you and have not rejected you” (Isaiah 41:9)
I sat there, blinking at the star, listening to the neighbor’s dog and the katydids, wrapping the quilt tighter in the crisp coolness.
“I equip you, though you do not know me” (Isaiah 45:5), He reminds me.
“Listen to me – Listen Close, ‘I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me” (Isaiah 45:5)” – His word pursues me, reaching out to pull me close.
You are equipped, He tells me – nothing you are going through is a surprise to me. Nothing your children are going through is a surprise to me. I made them. I made you – and I equipped each of you for each journey, each challenge.
You are not fatherless, success-less, you are worthy of first-class dreams that I put inside you – that is why those dreams are there – because I put those dreams inside you before you were born.
I knew the challenges the boys would face. I made sure you were equipped to handle them – I knew about them before you were born. I knew you wouldn’t give up on them – I put that inside you to – that not-give-up-ness.
You just don’t always know my plan for your life. You have to trust me. I don’t reject you. I chose you. I named you. One day, you will hear me say the name I gave you – and you will love it! I gave you the best equipage available in the universe to handle the precious responsibility I gave you – you lack nothing; you have the best of everything.
Don’t believe the deceiver’s lies. Know me more. Trust me better.
And, the Father, he sat beside me, watched the star in the sky with me as I let that hope drip into my heart.
Thank you so much for your encouragement…I long for the day when I hear Him say my name!
blessings,
Alida
http://blackpurlsknitpickings.blogspot.com
I am loving what your table is here: “It’s more than a dinner table. It’s a work table, a business desk, an art table, a celebration table, a lecture table, a prayer table.” … Such a richness and fullness to that table. I’m thinking of all the stories your table could tell, if it could talk. And perhaps, in some ways, it can speak its language, through its scratches, and scrapes and scars.
Sweetie pie, I so agree with Jennifer! I love that same line: “It’s more than a dinner table. It’s a work table, a business desk, an art table, a celebration table, a lecture table, a prayer table – and I just can’t seem to make it what I want.”
It sounds to me like it is what you want. It’s all thrown in there together. What might feel like a mess may just be a message to you. It’s every part of your life, though it may feel jumbled up. What would you do without each part, especially using it as a prayer table and a celebration table? It sounds as though the forest is overwhelming you and not letting you see all the beautiful trees (those boys) as they are. Thank you for sharing your precious heart. Be blessed with all you need. Love you! Praying for you!
Oh to sit at your table with you. In whatever form it needed to be for the day…
what a beautiful write, friend. I’m still soaking it in…
This was really beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this post tonight. It touches me in ways that words can’t grab. As my son says, “It made my eyes wet.” Thanks for the word love.
I felt like I was sitting beside you, on the porch. Thank you for this. Love you.
I haven’t lingered here for a while- always blessed when I do. I think your table isn’t just full of messes.. but full of life. That’s the kind of table Jesus invites us to, isn’t it? Thanks for this beautiful reminder and the hope that drips from these pages to my soul, too.
this made me cry. you spoke exactly what i needed to hear tonight, friend. thank you.
Your beautiful encouragement is inspiring me this morning. I am very glad I came by. Sometime we need to hear certain words and this morning these were mine!
This post spoke volumes to me today! THANK YOU. I can look back and see how God prepares us ahead of time for challenges we didn’t see coming…but HE did. HE EQUIPS US! I love that.
Oh the joy of Jesus sitting beside us, filling holes with hope.
I’m back again.. just love the encouragement you leave me at the Overflow.. and love gleaning wisdom from a beautiful mom of boys! I agree.. no fainthearted-ness allowed 🙂 Hope your week’s a good one.