“The world is governed by the aggressive use of force,” was played out last week with the death of an honor student in Chicago by violent gang members. Aggressive force ruled. There are two types of aggressive force: Aggressive forced used offensively, and Aggressive force used defensively.
In the public school system, Aggressive Force Used Offensively wins. If Johnney, uses aggressive force offensively by kicking, punching, or pulling a knife, and Sam, uses aggressive force defensively to stop the kicking, punching, or pulling a kinife. Both are punished. Equally. Sam gets suspended for defending himself. Johnney gets suspended, too.
The young man-yes, young man, not a child, who was killed would have been suspended for defending himself if that had happened on school grounds.
The system emasculates rule-abiding students, while empowering rule-breaking students
My 3rd grader is being kicked, shoved, and verbally assaulted consistently. The teacher admitted using everthing in his behavior-solution bag, “I don’t know what else to do.” My son’s 3rd grade world is governed by the aggressive use of force-except the governing force is a fellow 3rd grader.
My husband told him that if the child hits him, to hit back twice as hard. However, if that happens, my son risks earning the same rap sheet as the instigator.
One of my sons had a similar, but more threatening experience in 7th grade. As the principal explained to me, it all stareted when the class bully kept throwing tootsie rolls at a girl and hitting her in the eye. My son told him to stop. It was Halloween. After Thanksgiving, this same student pulled a knife on my son and threatened to use that same knife to stab him in the back and kill him the next week.
My son’s middle school world was governed by the aggressive use of force.
I asked the principal, “Is this a kid who is just having a tough day, or is this a kid with a history of issues?”
She couldn’t tell me. She also could not do anything about the student with the knife: even though other students had seen the knife, it didn’t count because a teacher didn’t see the knife.
My son was told to always have a witness with him, whether he went to the bathroom, soccer practice, or changed class.
I was assured that my son had just as fine of privacy rights as the student who pulled the knife. I countered that my son didn’t have anything to hide, so I didn’t need those privacy rights.
This student was in and out of school for the rest of the year. Each time he came back, the threats would increase. We met with the principal again. We told her that we gave our son permission to take 2 hits (understand that in the 7th grade, he was already 6 ft. 2 inches tall with the strength to seriously injure this little guy). If someone didn’t pull the young man off of him, then he had our permission to knock him to the next county. Even though, after taking 2 hits, and finally defending himself would result in a suspension.
“The world is governed by the aggressive use of force.”
Students who are coached and threated not to defend themselves are being subjugated by those using the aggressive use of force.
The public school system is training children and young adults to not fight back, while letting those who use the aggressive use of force freedom to do so. Why? They have simply exhausted their bag of solutions.
They are creating a country of citizens who do not know how to defend themselves, to stand up and face an enemy force, to possibly save their life. Iwant the school sytems to stop tying my son’s hands behind their backs and forcing them to take the aggression.
I want the school system to teach that right is might.
Sometimes the aggressive use of force, when used defensively, stops the bullies, bad guys, and murderers from continuing their reign of terror. Self-defense is an American right, for the adults and the children, too.
Sometimes a strong defense is the solution to the aggressive use of force. Sometimes the defensive aggressive use of force can bring peace to the world. . . and even the 3rd grade.
I think about this topic often. Bullying is different at 4th grade vs 7th grade. Scarier as they get older.
I think that for a school to deal with bullies must be tough in this day and age. They open themselves up for lawsuits and being politically correct. Once again, one bad apple ruins it for everyone else.
It’s really awful that your son had to endure that kind of bullying. Our school systems have the same rules as well. We have a son in 3rd grade as well that is bullied occasionally. We’ve been very clear about what we expect.
1. Tell a teacher.
2. If that doesn’t work, we talk with the principal.
3. If that doesn’t work, knock him out and we’ll spend those suspension days talking about self defense.
Like a little fire,,, a little bully can be stopped, if squashed at it’s onset. When I was in school, we had a gym teacher, who was also the Head Wrestling Coach, The Head Football Coach and The Head Track Coach. Whenever two students had a conflect, this old gym teacher would have the students put on boxing gloves and go a few rounds in the ring. At first glance you would think that the bully would get the better of a weaker opponent. However, the gym teacher was much smarter than the bully, for this teacher would give the bully boxing gloves that would weigh four, five or even six times more that his opponent. It wasn’t too long before the bully could not hold his arms above his waist.
We didn’t have any bullies past the sophmore year in High School. We need to be proactive, quit being politically correct, teach our children that there is Right and that there is Wrong.
Amen!! I tell ya… more and more… homeschooling is sounding the way to go! I totally agree with you! I was never a bully but I sure didn’t put up with bullies! I was the ‘defender’ of our group of friends! I will teach my son to take up for himself. I just might need to get into therapy now because I am going to want to hurt some kids/parents/teachers myself if they mess with my boy! 🙂
We had a similiar experience with this last year when my son was in 7th grade. No knifes were involved, but he was bullied by a boy who had already been suspended for beating up other kids. This boy had also been in middle school for longer than he should have, he was 15 years old punching and kicking my 12 year old. My husband told the school that if it did not stop, there would be legal action involved.
We have also struggled with telling our boys that they needs to defend themselves, but they always say “but I will be suspended too”. It’s just indicative of our society today…make excuses for the troubled kids who start trouble, they are the victims. When in reality, my son the honor student is the victim. It just makes me INCENSED!!
So sorry your boys have had to deal with this stuff. It’s not fair that what is supposed to be a wonderful time at school is tainted by bullies.
We have struggled with this. How to teach little ones when to fight back. I want them to know that they should walk away first but there is a line and if the bully crosses it you whack them a good one and show them you’re not going to take it. Unfortunately the schools will tell them to just keep walking. “if you don’t react they wont be interested in you” seems to be the official line… it’s a load of poop… it then becomes a challange for the bully to get you to react and if it means my child stays out of hospital because he threw one punch in self defence then I’ll be telling him to go for it.
I am so sorry to hear your sons have had to deal with this. I agree with you – I am very bothered about how schools wish to handle bullies nowadays.
I’m torn on this. Well, honestly, I’d never seen it from your perspective. I’d always seen it from the “turn the other cheek” perspective since I’m a teacher and I live by that rule… and I’m a Christian and I live by that rule. But at the same time, I supported Bush’s efforts to squelch the bullying of Iraq and Afganistan… so I guess I’m a hypocrite. In any case, after reading your post, I have new, righteous indignation towards those students who bully and the schools who don’t do anything to stop it. Kids who push others around like that have nothing to lose. They already have their rep so they’re not afraid of getting in trouble. It’s the good kids, like your sons, who have everything to lose by getting in trouble and therein lies the power of the bullies. I wonder what Jesus would have done? He let us crucify him but he also overturned the tables in the temple quite violently. I think this issue is a conundrum and I find myself straddling it.
With my sons I am always thinking “turn the other cheek.” Jesus did. I want my sons to forgive, not hold a grudge, but sometimes in order to set healthy boundaries, you need to shove someone out of your boundary area to establish healthy boundaries. Jesus did that in the temple. He established healthy boundaries for behavior.
Holy Moly! I’m so glad we live in a small close community! I would probably be homeschooling my children if they were subjected to this! I would be so afraid the kid would actually stab my child one day. How scary!
Man, what a big thing to deal with… I’m so sorry this happened! Kids these days eh? You just never know…
I’m really touched by the fact that you stopped to ask is this a kid with issues. That was really thoughtful… not sure I’d have bothered to ask.
Rough, rough, situation. I’m so sorry that your son had to go through that. I try to raise my boys to be gentlemen and considerate of others but I throw a little Chuck Norris worship in there too ;o)
I recognize that phrase! I attend the same University daily! 😉
I totally agree with you on this point! If I had a boy, I would definitely be teaching him to defend himself. Almost seems easier than having a girl and teaching her how to deal with girl bullies. Haven’t come up with a solution for that one.
Well… I am sorry to hear that your sons have to pput up with it…
The other day some boy threatened stabbing my daughter…and she is 5.
I can’t risk her safety trying to be all nice and fair…I used to say “just leave them and tell Mommy”. You know what? It’s not working!
I am seriously thinking about her taking karate lessons and I do say to hit back.
Thank you for passing by and comenting. 🙂 Please come back. I’d like to link with your blog. No following area??
I surely love your white -green-rose bedroom decoration.It’s so elegant!
I change mine using different pillows and covers. Totally a new look.
Bullying is terrible. I have two sons(well four now) but my oldest two are quite small for their ages. When Nick was in 5th gr he was bullied ..when he tried to fight back..and also swore at the kid…he got in trouble just as much as the instigator….
So scary and sad for your son
xo
Thank you for your kinds words.
I’ll post some ideas regarding boy’s bedroom.
I ‘m trying to find a solution for you; and let you know.
I’d like if you linked with my blog so it would be easier for me your request to be added to my priority list.
xx
You bring up a very good point re: offense v. defense. I am a former public school teacher, now substituting part time while I pursue a degree in counseling. Far too often schools choose so-called ‘neutral’ policies in order to avoid finding fault. Punishing both children involved in any degree of aggression is one such ‘neutral’ policy. I also oppose these policies. In espousing neutrality, we sometimes go weak on values. Our kids get a very confused message. It’s no wonder more and more view school authority with some reservation. (Not that I’m *completely* opposed to a healthy questioning of authority.)
Luckily, my school’s off-the-record approach to situations like these is “defense” friendly. The thing to do is get involved with your local school board and continue to rally community support for the types of policies and values you would like to see your school espouse and model.
Gosh-I hate that the aggressor and the aggressee will both be punished now. It even weakens the teacher because they can’t punish children in an effective manner. How will kids be taught to stop if they don’t have consequences?!