Sometimes I can’t love ’em right
though my heart is full of love
not a taking love
just a giving love
a love bursting
and here I am
wanting to love ’em right
and I can’t
sometimes
no matter how hard I try
no matter the intent
“Love suffers long and is kind” (I Cor 13: 4)
I’ve baked celebration cakes
taken dinners
written poems
asked questions
encouraged
prayed psalms
sometimes even hugs
can’t love ’em right
“love is never envious or arrogant with pride. Nor is she conceited” ( 1 Cor 13:4)
whether it’s with a teen in a stage
a church family member
a kid’s mom my kid wants to play with
a random person
someone who belongs to you
through biology
or belongs to you ’cause
Jesus said so
” [Love]does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor 13:5)
sometimes I can’t love ’em right
and all the love languages in the world
can’t break
the language barrier
but God knows
who He gave me to love
“[Love} finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the
truth” (1 Cor 13:6)
sometimes when I can’t love ’em right
it’s for a reason
He knows
the pain of unrequited love
that God’s true love
isn’t inactive in the waiting
doesn’t stop existing
though it lives unseen
uncovered
over-looked
not sought-out
like a wrapped gift
given and unopened
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance” (1 Cor 13:7)
He knows
that sometimes it feels like
I can’t love ’em right
but God’s kind of love never fails (1 Cor 13:8)
Father’s Day weekend was filled with a few moments where I managed to love some of ’em right – not all of them, but some of them. One son wanted muffalettas for his birthday, chocolate celebration cake for another birthday boy, and creme brulee for my husband- and, well, it was just a sweet easy day. No – sometimes, I can’t love ’em right – not the way they want, maybe not even always the way they truly need, or in a way I know how to love.
I am not omniscient – though my boys at times thought I was
I only know what knowledge I have reached for and grasped – or what God has revealed
“but love makes up for all wrongs, trangressions, offenses, sins” (Proverbs 10:12)
The more I learn about God’s kind of love, the less judgemental, the less exclusive I become – the more I realize how imperfect I do love
and because I realize how imperfectly I love –
the greater the determintaion not to give up trying
and forgiving,
not just others but myself
learning
there is not always an immediate return
maybe not ever
on love
The only thing I can do is love my best
hands-on or hands-off
through prayer, creme brulee or muffaletta’s and oreo icing, hugs, talks, time or a filled-up gas tank
or maybe a no to gas-tank fill-ups, groundings and lectures
the only thing I can do is love my best
even if they think I don’t love ’em right.
Blue Cotton Memory 