“She’s not talking. If she’s not talking, she must be uncomfortable,” my husband told the anesthetist after the birth of our 5th son via C-section. The anesthetist told my husband that if I felt stressed as they sewed everything up, he could just put me to sleep. Apparently, silence from me is a sign of stress.
Sometimes after a big challenge, I need silence to sink into. It is in the silence where my healing begins.
When the house spilled over with 5 boys, and the schedule stretched and contracted, and emotions popped like corn at 3 p.m. every day, after filling the inside things like tummies and hearts, after they were all tucked in bed, I’d stay up and soak in the silence. In the silence, I would find the Father – and he would help me find the scattered parts of myself to pull all those parts of me back together into the right places.
Silence after the challenge. Silence after the stress.
I just returned from three days with my aunt who is so very dear to my heart – and to my story. She’s struggling. Words like dementia are floated around. Dementia is a silent thief who steals an unsuspecting soul’s big and little stories, the silly stories and the sacred stories. Some tough choices had to be made this week, and she is not happy – and my heart is so very sad. She would ask the same questions – over and over. I would answer them, every time, “We love you. We want you safe.”
Each night I tucked her into bed, kissed her forehead, “I love you,” I would tell her.
“I love you back,” she’d say – at the end of the challenges of each day, when the quiet had crept in and the dusted up chaos had settled into an unnoticed corner – until the next morning.
***5 Minute mark
I drove home today – a 3.5 hour drive – to a house full of my son’s college friends for my weekly Hamburgers and Hotdogs Thursday, except today it was pizza – and a friend brought it over – so this Thursday tradition we started this year could continue. It was a joyful noise – blessing overflowing. I needed the joyful noise in a house full of hope.
The pizza boxes emptied, my bags unpacked, I need to meet God in the silence, and let him help me still to find the scattered parts of myself to pull all those parts of me back together into the right places.
It is in the silence where the broken parts of my heart are redeemed and made whole.
“May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:23)
5 Minutes of Writing. Just 5 Minutes – unless you just cannot stop yourself. Won’t you join me over at Kate’s Place for 5 Minute Friday? Sit down, pull over a cup of Wild Apple Ginger Tea, and see what everybody else is writing about the word . . . “Silence” Maybe you can join in – it’s just 5 minutes.
You paint haunting pictures of silence in it’s beauty but also it’s emptiness at times. I appreciate the reminder that in those silence places we are being redeemed and restored. Thank you for sharing.
You capture what I meant exactly! Thank you for coming by and understanding!
I loved this so much.
Thank you, Elizabeth. There is a lot of love in it. I’m so glad it came through.
Really outstanding post, and the image of broken parts being made whole in the silence is something to which I can relate. It drives my wife crazy, but when a plate or cup is broken, if it can possibly be repaired, I fix it, in a quiet place and with a quiet mind.
I just enjoy repairing things, and returning them to service. I suspect God does, too.
#1 at FMF this week.
https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/11/your-dying-spouse-403-end-of-despair-fmf.html
Thank you, Andrew. We are fixers – aren’t we?! We want to fix ourselves – and help others fix themselves – and fix things because then everything will be all right – but we can’t. Sometimes we have to let God fix it/us/those we love – and that’s the hard part. So glad you stopped by Andrew! Keeping you and your wife in my prayers!
Oh how I can relate to what you are saying. Thank you for sharing this. Chelle
Oh, Chelle! You, too? Praying for you and those you love!
Beautifully worded! It IS vital to get into that Secret Place with Him so He can do His work in us – healing what has broken, reaffirming His love, getting us quiet so He can impart the wisdom we may need. We are such a busy-busy society that rarely disconnects to regroup. You hit on a vital necessity we should all do, for whatever reason! Love to you, NAN