To Barrett on the Occasion of your 21st Birthday,
I’ve always said since you were a little boy when I gave you and your brothers spirit-filled names that we should have named you Joyful Barrett Bucher. God saw fit to give you an extra measure of the Joy of the Lord, equipping you to be a Joy Bearer.
Being a Joy Bearer doesn’t mean you always feel joyful. Just like an Everyman, you might struggle to always choose joy. Sometimes you might balk and rebel against choosing to find the joy God leaves for us in the messiness of everyday living. . . . but just like building muscles, I pray that you will train yourself to choose joy for yourself.
There is a difference between choosing joy and being a joy-bearer, though. Choosing Joy is about your internal happiness. Being a Joy Bearer is about carrying joy into another’s circumstances.
You are a God-designed Joy Bearer. You have a gift for bringing joy into any room, any moment, any situation – and you bring it in all different ways. You bring joy with a word, an expression, an act of compassion, encouragement, service or insight. Sometimes it can be called comic relief – though it is not an entertainer-kind-of-thing. It can be called unconditional love, hero to the rescue, faith for healing, beautiful timing that redeems a conversation, or simply a hug. It looks and feels like God’s grace being inserted into a moment or situation.
Today you are 21. Your life is your story now. You hold the pen and eraser. You are its editor. Dad and I are now secondary characters in your story. It’s a hands-off, hands-up time, meaning the greatest impact we can have on your story now is through prayer.
My prayer for you is that you continue to be a Joy Bearer as you grow into independence. Yes, The Joy of the Lord is your Strength ( Nehemiah 8:10 ).
This strength can only be built in his presence – and, as you spend time in his presence, you will hear his guidance: “You will show me the way of life. Being with You is to be full of joy. In Your right hand there is happiness forever” (Psalm 16:11).
Faith is maintained through real, intentional relationship with the one who created you. Maintain that belief that God designed (Psalm 149) you to be exactly who you are even when others don’t see what God sees or know what God knows about you, even when you don’t see it or feel it.
There will be those who don’t believe – from teachers to peers, to strangers to even family – but as long as you know God knows- and hold on to that knowledge, you will fulfill your God-designed life, and a lifetime of people will be blessed by you, the Joy Bearer.
While the Joy-Bearer carries God’s joy into other’s lives, he doesn’t leave the joy-bearer a solitaire individual. God has people – and those people are the friendships and mentors who see you as he does. You will find them in likely and unlikely places, expected, but most often, unexpected. If you can’t see them or find them, ask him and he will reveal them to you.
I have so many stories of your Joy-Bearing moments in our family. One of my most treasured memories is the time you sneaked up behind me in the kitchen – you were the only one who could sneak up behind me – and gave me a hug. I consider that moment my greatest mothering failure.I was cooking and fraught over a different mothering situation when you sneaked up behind me, wrapped your arms around me and gave me a Bear Hug. I shook off that hug saying, “Not right now.” I regret that shaking off and not just allowing myself to enjoy the complete hug. I regret how it possibly made you feel. You haven’t sneaked up to give me a hug since then. You were a Joy Bearer bringing joy into a space and to a heart that needed it. I learned a lot from that moment. I learned to let go of the messiness and accept joy, accept love when offered. Sadly, in that moment, for you, Joy-Bearing proved itself not always comfortable.
The lesson in that for you is to never under-estimate the impact of giving a joyful gift. You might not see the impact in the moment of giving. As a matter of fact, it might be shaken off. However, like a mustard seed, it can grow into something bigger and more beautifully life-changing than you intended, estimated or imagined. Today that mother-fail moment is a treasured moment because it taught me to love better, to find, accept and choose joy in a fraught-filled moment. Being a Joy-Bearer might not always be comfortable, but I don’t think any act of kindness returns empty. Sometimes it takes time – and that is a faith and hope thing.
You have blessed our family for 21 years as a Joy Bearer. Like all of us, you will have moments of living life all wrong and moments of shining rightness. From the wrong to the rightness and in-between, choose not only to be a Joy Bearer but a Joy Chooser, redeeming the messiness of everyday living into the God-designed life he intended for you.
“You always show me the path of life. You will fill me with joy when I am with you. You will make me happy forever at your right hand” (Psalm 16:11)
We love you. Happy 21st Birthday! Praying you have blessing, joy and sweet surprises as you write your story!
Love Mom and Dad
Below are some of my very favorite posts about the Joy-Bearer in our family:
The Center of the Brotherhood and Commemorative Poem
Lemonade Joy
Not Everybody Can Whistle; Not Everybody Can Wink
The Freshness After the Storm
Mystery of the Missing Turtle Head
The Owl and the Puppy Dog
Mother Words
Ah, what a beautiful gift of love you’ve given to your son today! Thank you for sharing it with us too. I love the concept of being a joy bearer. And choosing joy when we don’t feel it naturally.
“Being a Joy Bearer is about carrying joy into another’s circumstances.” I love this. I’ve wrestled with joy this year. It’s the word God gave me as a one word for the year and I have resisted it’s weight. Joy is a choice and responsibility. I’m slowly learning to live into it. I never tire of a mothers love, this was a love letter I won’t soon forget. Thanks for looking up Maryleigh!
What a wonderful tribute to your boy – as well as a challenge for his life. Very nice.
What a beautiful tribute to your son. Yes, there is such a difference between feeling joyful and choosing joy. Such insight and truth here. Love it. Thank you for sharing.
Awe, Happy Birthday, Barrett. What a legacy for such a young age–joy-bearer. My oldest will be 21 in a few months…how quickly it’s all gone by. I understand the joys and the regrets. ((blessings to you, mom))
This warms my heart as a mom. We all have those mom-fail moments. Maybe they are not such failures if we learn from them and strive to do better. I enjoyed reading your letter to your son and Happy Birthday to him!
What a beautiful story and tribute to your son and the relationship you have had with Barrett. It brought back memories of my own son growing up and reaching that demarcation point even as I watch him now as he will turn 50 late this summer. Thanks so much!
This was so precious! I love letters to our kids and the legacy they leave in our loving. I have a joy bearer in my house too, and sometimes, I stomp out the joy in her heart and hugs. Those are hard lessons, aren’t they. Happy Birthday to your joy bearer and thanks for sharing such a tender and beautiful moment.
Bless you!
Dawn
The Joy-Bearer. Could there be a more delightful name? What a tribute.
Our oldest granddaughter’s middle name is Joy. And she lives it our right and left.
I am resonating with your joy today, Mary Leigh …
Easter blessings to you!
He will carry your legacy into his own. A beautiful post and a darling young man!
Wow, Maryleigh! What a lovely tribute to your joy-bearing boy, I mean, “man!” I love your heart to redo that moment. It is so sweet and I hope that your son realizes what a gift you are giving him here in your transparency and humbleness. I just know you’re going to invite that kind of joy-filled and love-wrapped response from his heart again and again throughout the rest of his manhood. You go, girl! And Happy Birthday to Barrett! Btw, cool name! 😉
Happy birthday to your son, Maryleigh! What a beautiful gift he is to your family. May God pour out grace over him, so that he takes joy to many. You must be proud and delighted! 21! My son also has a very positive outlook always, and I’ve learned a lot from him. 🙂
[…] of our sons, the joy bearer, read 1 Cor 13:4-8a. Like any good composition teacher’s son, he added a coming away […]
I remember your sons as little boys. Our youngest turned 40 in March. Time on this earth is flying by. I enjoy your blog so much.
Wasn’t that just yesterday these boys were little? Thank you, Janice, for coming by and and encouraging me!