“I’m willing to tell you.
I’m wanting to tell you.
I’m waiting to tell you,”
(Aflred Doolittle, My Fair Lady)
We sat in a Hardees. We were two adjunct English teachers: that 4 sons ago, when there was just one boy for me. She hadn’t married yet. She wanted to share her faith, her bible tracks with me. I’d met her because we were friends and, well, how does someone who professes to be a Christian tell another, “I know enough about God.” I thought I knew it all already. I was raised in Christian schools, went to church every Sunday, read my bible. I was willing to listen, only willing to listen. Willingness, no matter how begrudging, waters mustard seed faith even if only one drop touches the soul.
My friend’s holy spirit watering of my mustard seed faith caused growth, first quietly, less quietly and then loudly – and it left me wanting. . . .wanting more of God. Just a few years later, I sat in a Sunday school class in a new town, and asked, “Don’t you want more? I want more? A young mother in this couples class responded like I did in that Hardees long ago, “I grew up in the church. I am happy with what I have.” Mustard seed faith is a pass-it-along kind of thing – growing and sowing.
Willing and wanting have left me learning to live in the wait of His love, in the faith of a prayer sent out, in the joy choice in a hard place, in the not-knowing as I trust Him to know.
waiting through a cardinal call on a storm-brewing morning
waiting to act or acting to wait
waiting for a boy to go for a run with his dog
or find his reponsibility – as little as a shin-guard as big as independence
waiting after inviting God to come be with me in a walk, sit or stand
waiting a wrong day to right itself
waiting with faith and hope
waiting for a cold to sneeze its way through
learning to live fully in the wait
waiting for a kettle to boil
living fully in the wait because I was willing to listen
and wanting more
so He joins me in the wait.
Your heart’s been in the right place all along. You’ve got what it takes to finish it up, so go to it. Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can’t. (2 Cor 8:12)
Last night, while packing for a holiday with my still at-home boys and husband, I read Lisa-Jo’s prompt – Willing – and I turned her word over in my mind – like I do every Thursday night, thinking about this word, this willing. I couldn’t write a thing unless I thought about it. Don’t we all need to think before we communicate? I always told my college students to thinking about what they wanted to say before they sat down to the computer screen – think about it as you walk, drive, eat. When you sit down to that computer screen, you have something to say.
While both of us are in this mustard seed growing journey, in the middle of the wait of a prayer sent out, won’t you jong me for a tall glass of pink lemonde – ’cause that’s what I’m feeling today – a pink lemonade and sunshine kind of day– and include 5 minutes of your heart on the word . . . Willing– and join Lisa-Jo’s gracious hospitality for Five-Minute Friday.