Launching into independence “feels” perilous. Two of my sons have launched into independence differently: one gradually, one immediate.
As one son described it: “I loaded my truck 2 scoops at a time. He took the load all at once.”
Nervous? Frustrated? Sad? Scared? Freaking out? Some people might suggest these feelings mean a diagnosis and pill are needed, maybe they’re not ready, maybe they don’t have what it takes. While sometimes these reasons maybe be viable, most often they are just growing-independence-becoming -responsible pains.
I think all parents want to eliminate stress, hurt, failure and fear from their children’s lives. However, keeping children in a bubble, un-stressed, ill-equipped for responsibility is doing them a disservice. Learning how to handle being uncomfortable, how to face the unnerving challenge of living independence should be essential parenting.
Blue Cotton Dad says, “I would be concerned if someone newly on their own wasn’t [stressed out, frustrated, scared]. This means they’re engaged. They’re thinking about what they need to do.”
However they leave the nest, it is important to let them build their wing strength to eventually soar. It is hard to be a hands-off safety net. In this growing into responsibility and independence, my prayers can go where I cannot. When Change Comes is a prayer for these sons growing into men, facing challenges that separate the men from the boys.
When Change Comes
When changes comes
seemingly unasked, unwanted, uncomfortable
you might be surprised
but God isn’t
When change comes
so does frustration, fear, sadness,
humility, deflated confidence
because change brings new things
new challenges, tasks, heart-issues
new things bring out the gracelessness
of who we are without Him
“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character. Hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Romans 5:3-5)
When change comes,
in the fine print of the change
is a note from God saying,
“You are ready for this next level.
You are equipped for this. You need to walk this path to collect
things important for the rest of your story.
Trust me.”
“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 5: 3-5)
When change comes,
you will first cry out, “Help me”
until one day, you will realize help is
a journey, a short story journey
in the midst of the anthology of your life
and you ask, “Be with me”
and He is with you, even on the days
when you can do nothing more than stand,
in the night terrors when all you can do is breath in
“Lord Jesus Christ,”
and breath out, “Have Mercy on Me.”
“We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken.” (2 Cor. 4:8-9)
When change comes,
it heralds God calling you to greater
intimacy
where faith, hope and love become
more real than your skin
where God becomes more than 3 letters
in a book
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 32:2)
When change comes,
and the world questions you
it is your faith that shields
you from the arrows that would pierce
your dignity,
while you grow into God becoming
more than you ever knew
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way”(James 1:2-4)
When you come upon change
remember change is the next stepping stone
closer to God.
He placed each stone there before
you were born
so you would know how to find your way
back home
the path is true
the end
is assured
“When we see that you’re just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you’re going to make it, no doubt about it” (2 Cor. 3:7).
196) Standing between my boys, our hands raised in prayer, blessing our week
197) Walking during my lunch break, talking to my mom before surgery to clear an 80% blockage in her right carotid artery
198) News that my mom’s heart is healthy as a horse
199) Friends calling on God in their prayers to battle for my mom, to make miracles and healing for my mom
200) “What’s that?” my mom asked about the sound. “The blustery wind” and I thought about the trees above me. Were they praising God and was their praise going up to God and the sweet blessing of it falling on the students and me walking beneath it, like cherry blossoms in the spring?
201) The next day after surgery, my mom’s speech flowing more freely than it hand in a long time. It is amazing what 100% blood flow to your brain can accomplish.
202) robin egg blue, butter yellow, heavy-whipping-cream white, baby girl pink – all in the bags of mini-Cadbury eggs!
203) A candle jar turned into a candy jar that hollars to my sons who come for a handful. We’re working on 3 – I told them this was the not-gluttony jar. The discussion that followed made me smile.
204) pictures to my cell phone from my husband when my son graduated from AIT Thursday.
205) My soldier son walking through the door, asking if he could do laundry.
206) The energy to cook his favorite meal, Cajun shrimp and pasta, as I learn to get the hang of all day working.
207) Praying with a son before he leaves the house to face living independent
208) a squirrel foraging beneath a shrub beside the door entrance to work
209) a black umbrella with blue, green and red polka dots
210) baby showers and animal print blankets
211) A sweet friend and husband surprising us on our porch Fat Tuesday to celebrate friendship. God knew we needed to come out of our box! Just further proof that God sends beautiful gifts of friendship.
212) my little guy saying bedtime prayers and including his baby niece like she’s been part of the “God Bless” list forever.
213) peace beyond understanding
214) fluffy pillows and my white down comforter
215) That how I feel is not what determines the outcome, that it is my faith in my Father that determines the outcome!
216) My husband’s joyfulness, his humor and his smile – through it, I am able to see life more beautiful, more joyful.
217) Orange Dulce tea
218) Sunday afternoon when the sun was shining springtime, and the oldest son of them all stopped by, and in all the talking, each brother walked through, hugging, talking, teasing, and it felt like family when it’s good
219) Clean, white sunshine, falling from the blue sky into my house.
“my prayers can go where I cannot. ” What a powerful statement filled with faith and belief in the One Who knows and sees it all! What better way than to entrust our children to His hands…Blessings to you sister! How fast time flies by!!!
Hey Gal! I guess I’m an odd duck! When I was young and just striking it out on my own, I was excited. Of course, I don’t know if I would have felt the same way if I hadn’t gotten married right before this. I turned 18 and 3 weeks later was married and headed for New Jersey from Texas. I was truly looking forward to starting a “new life”. Is it different for boys? I don’t know. All I know is NOW that I’m older, I’m scared of my own shadow! LOL! (Well, that’s kind of an exaggeration) I’m not QUITE that bad. Mainly when it comes to driving out of town by myself. I loved your post tonight.
God Bless,
PJ
Our prayers can go where we cannot…..so true Maryleigh.
Blessings to you and your family! All good things.
As a mother of married children, I know just how “messy” and difficult this transition in life can be. I pray you will continue to feel God’s comfort and guidance as you go into territory previously uncharted for your family. Gail
I love the diversity of your blessings this week! What an encouragement! He is such a wonderful Father…
I’m printing out your wise words on change and tucking them in my Bible. Seems I can’t grab time by the tail and slow it down, so each day brings change– plenty of it. I love your praise for your husband’s joyfulness.. a gift, indeed that runs deep into our own hearts. Blessings to you and your boys!
So enjoyed reading your post! Thanks for sharing.
It is hard when they go out on their own, but you are so right about it being unhealthy for them to stay dependent on us past the point when they should. What a precious thing to stand with your boys and bless your week! 🙂
I like”hands off safety net”…great picture…hard to watch our children launch out on their own…but as they find their wings it is a blessings to watch…grace to you as you transition here…blessings~
your words here about how our prayers go where we can’t resonated with me…praying that God will continue to be with you and your husband as you launch two sons…glad to hear how your mom is better after the surgery…blessings to you and yours 🙂
This post made my heart smile, thanks.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom in raising children. I learn so much from those who are ahead of me on this road. It’s hard not to hold on tightly to our kids but they need to learn to fly. Love your list, especially 214. Blessings to you!
“…so you would know how to find your way
back home
the path is true
the end
is assured”
Beautiful. And, I like how you say, “when” change comes. it’s inevitable, isn’t it? And, I guess, as good parents we should hope for that. Thank you for this.
#199 is such a blessing! The trees praising God is a wonderful thought. Keep encouraging us with your list!
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Amazing. I love your perspective, Maryleigh.
Mary Leigh,
thank you so much for visiting me and leaving such sweet words, as you always do. i left you a reply, but just in case, want you to know, friend, you can sit on my porch anytime–c’mon over! 🙂 you would be the PERFECT friend to sit on the porch and chat with–i like real, and you my friend are real. love this post–love Blue Cotton Dad’s wise words. these are things i will tuck away in my heart for when mine are older–so glad to know you.
i like this best:
“remember change is the next stepping stone
closer to God.
He placed each stone there before
you were born
so you would know how to find your way
back home
the path is true
the end
is assured”
beautiful ending. you are such a gifted writer–i hope you know that–and you know what i like about you best? you have found your niche–you are just you–and so good at it! love to you! xoxo.
oops–forgot to say {as if my comment wasn’t long enough}–i loved your gratitude list–wonderful blessings–the little things you notice–and boys coming through hugging and teasing–family–pastel eggs–yum! ❤