“I’m almost holding my breath in anticipation, reminding myself that a journey is one step at a time”
~Blue Cotton Memory, Journal Notes before son’s military graduation.
As my son prepared for basic training graduation, I prepared my heart for meeting this young man, broken and rebuilt through military training.
How was I to greet this soldier, this young man, this son? How was the mother in me to respond? How did my role need to change? Was I to be released from the hard-core mothering?
As Manager of Small and Large Product Development of Blue Cotton Industries, I have had 5 product development-to-launch responsibilities. One product had already been successfully launched and, as a Blue Cotton insider, took over after-market responsibilities.
This second product had taken considerable team effort. Launch ability test results were about to be discovered – which would determine my future role.
The day-to-day responsibility-for-the-outcome had included maintenance, operations, and support training, fulfillment of education services, and instructor activities, plus praying, encouraging and loving? Many of these responsibilities would be eliminated or phased out if product launch was successful.
If successful, I would no longer be responsible for collecting and analyzing job performance data against product release requirements. No more comparing individual knowledge and skills with job standards and arranging further training to meet launch requirements.
During this 10 week military training of this Blue Cotton Product, I had received one phone call and 3 letters; letters with words like “changed man,” “facing my fears,” “going to church” were balm to my worn, cracked heart, worn through prayer, my inner voice murmuring Faith, Hope and Love some days until raw and hoarse. I wonder if my inside prayers ever sound worn and hoarse to God?
“Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe and rely on me, you would see the glory of God” (John 11:40)
“Are you here?” he texted from the meeting field from a friend’s phone because he didn’t have one.
“5 more minutes,” I texted back.
I prayed days and weeks before this meeting that God would prepare my heart, inoculate against unrealistic expectations, be the mother I needed to be for this meeting, this unveiling of the new man.
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4: 11-13)/
In this reunion, the mother met her son, a man carrying the mantle of his own destiny, fully independent, contentment in his eyes, his soft manner of talking in the stories told of a self-control, a humbleness, a hope for his future. The rebellious boy had been broken down and rebuilt into a responsible man.
In this meeting were welcomed hugs. Photos with something previously rare and almost extinct, a genuine, freely-given smile – a smile not filtered with ulterior motives. Just the smile of a man who has overcome to become someone he is proud to be.
We went to the PX, a small mall with a food court, where he bought his own work clothes, signed up for his own phone plan, and bought an iphone.
“Are you more confident?” I asked, knowing his achievements – earning a spot on a elite shooting squad, earning a sharpshooter badge, becoming a flag bearer because his Sgt. told his dad, “He’s the most squared soldier in the platoon.”
“Nahhh! Probably less,” he answered, no cocky bravado, no smartest-man-in-the-room attitude. The realization that you do not know it all is the beginning of wisdom.
“We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given us us” (Romans 5: 2b-5).
He wasn’t used to crowds. I guess 10 weeks of isolation does that to you, so we took along a fellow private who didn’t have family that day to pick up Subway and took it to a playground on base. The playground was quiet and allowed the younger brothers to work off energy while we talked.
His friend had become a citizen that day. This only child of a one-child-only Chinese policy wished he’d had siblings. I think he even wished it after spending the day with our crew.
“They called our barracks the Taj Mahal,” our son said. Taj Mahal because they were so clean, so opposite of his bathroom at home. Everybody used ours because they didn’t want to put a toe in his, but in his barracks, he mopped voluntarily to work off frustration – and other times he would mop because he was told to – at 1 a.m., 2 a.m. – even if wake-up call was at 3:30 a.m.
During the quiet talking, the stories of challenges faced – the gas chamber, life saving classes that teach you how to save a battle buddy’s life, 3 weeks of casualty-risk activities, I realized that this Blue Cotton Product, this son, had launched himself successfully. He was battle-ready to take on management of one of my 5 most precious products – himself.
In that moment, I released my son. He was ready. He had successfully taken over after-launch responsibilities.
“God was right there beside me, in this letting go, knowing I loved my son so much that I wanted to let go just right.
This soldier-son handed his brother, the second youngest, the rule-monger with whom he’d butted heads for working hard, for his self-control – he pulled from his pocket prayer beads from church. “I thought you’d like these,” he said. I think a lot of the past was forgotten in that moment – a reaching out and receiving time.
Was he running home hard to God? The prodigal returning at a run, to fling his arms around the Father?
God whispered to my heart, “He’s coming. He’s turned. Coming to me is a journey – one-step-at-a-time. You wouldn’t expect a 7th grader to do doctoral-level work. There is saving in the journey – at the beginning and the end and in-between.”
I nodded – I’m still in the journey, one step at a time, I’m working my way there, too.
God meets both of us where we are in the journey – the PVT. Christian(figurative) is just as saved as those further in the journey – the Sergeant, Colonel or General – all just as important to God, just as loved, just pursued by God – as the newly enlisted, newly [re-]committed Christian.
“I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands” (Isaiah 49: 15).
With God right beside me, rejoicing right with me, I was able “to find sweet contentment in those one steps at a time, to open-heartedly meet him where he is” (Blue Cotton Journal, before graduation).
Someone might say, “Well, he’s 19 – he was already in charge of his life; it didn’t matter if you released him or not.
I don’t think a mother feels her job is complete until her child grown is able to be self-sufficient, making good soul choices, hands solidly on the steering wheel of his future. The letting go of that developmental responsibility, whether it is a mother’s or not, is really what we mother for. There is peace in a job completed, amazing peace in the release – and rejoicing in their readiness.
The time had come to hand over the reigns of leadership and management of one of Blue Cotton’s God-Designed Products – to someone so ready to take the product to places I never could.
Thank you, Father, for being with both of us. Thank you, Father, that you are faithful to the promises you whispered in my heart, wrote in your Word. Thank you that you love my son more than I do.
Thanks to everyone who sent me scriptures that encouraged, blessed and sustained me in this journey! Scriptures used in this post are ones many of my friends in the blogahood sent to encourage me as I prayed and waited in this phase of the journey. They so blessed my heart . I created a scripture collage with them – and each time I turned on my computer (screen saver), opened my fridge – Scriptures of Hope and Faith helped me pray those promises of God. I also created a Prayer for My Soldier Son that I prayed over him. There are places I can no longer go – but my prayers can go anywhere.
Oh Maryleigh,
Glory to God!!!! What an incredible testimony! He WILL bring to completion that which He began!!! Rejoicing with you, faithful mother-heart!!! Rejoicing!!!! What a Mighty God we serve!!!!
(wiping tears from my eyes) …. I launched my first recently as well. He is 23 years old. And it took him leaving a 7 year relationship with a young woman that he realized was not ultimately the one God had for him. He has spent countless hours with me talking and crying….and my place is only to listen. He speaks now of his “identity” in the God who made him and not through a relationship or any relationship for that matter …where true happiness can only be found with the “I AM”. I hang up the phone and cry….tears of joy and tears of release because NOW I know is GOOD. ….and even more than Good. God has completed what he has promised me when I dedicated the 6 week old as a single mom that one lonely day at a small church in Hawaii. That Jordan would grow up to know who he is in Christ. Thank you for so eloquently sharing this process. My second development, so much different than his brother…. requires a different set of management skills. BUT I have the hope set before me…that again, upper management really does have it all under control.
Just beautiful! Thank you for sharing your journey. Makes me think of Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This post is such a beautiful tribute to your son, I was truly touched. I love your determination to release him when the time is right. Such strength!
This line: I don’t think a mother feels her job is complete until her child grown is able to be self-sufficient, making good soul choices, hands solidly on the steering wheel of his future. THAT is what it is all about. I so agree with you. This post is the accumulation – the gift – because of all the tears poured out because of this Product. In reading this post, it is so obvious all the things you planted in him. Gently sprouting, hidden from your eyes, to blossom into the young man you and God have planted, watered and harvested. I love this post most of all.
oh my…with tears I also write this…what a beautiful story…a journey of a son…a journey of a mother…both finding a wider space to stand together…
Glory to God…His is faithful…
And yes…there is a feeling of peace when you know your job is complete…or at least phase one…I think I could physically feel a weight being lifted as each child has transitioned into that next phase of life…
Blessings as you rejoice with all the angels in Heaven…
smiles…i am excited for you and him…when you got to the point of realizing him being ready it made me smile…also the beginning of wisdom being realizing you know nothing…i know it is hard the letting go but this was really cool….
I love how you wrote this! What a learning experience he had!
I love the story and love your POV. I imagine the letting go is difficult. I long for that difficult day in my life. 🙂
Oh wow. My kids are little and I know it will be so hard when I have to do what you did. Thanks so much for linking up with ‘Thankful Tuesday’. ~Kelly @ohthatmomagain
Praise God.
wow, friend, i can only imagine what it’s like to learn from your son this way, and to watch them grow so wise and able. love to you.
Wow! What a journey! I’m coming over from SomeGirlsWebsite 🙂 I love how you checked your expectations and held onto God’s hand the whole time. That is often hard to do. That’s a victory! Hope you have a wonderful day!
“I don’t think a mother feels her job is complete until her child grown is able to be self-sufficient, making good soul choices, hands solidly on the steering wheel of his future.” I Love that! Beautifully said.
Your son is in my prayers.
As I read this post, I couldn’t help but think that yes, he is changed and matured after his training, however it is a tribute to how your raised him. I know you are so proud of him.
Blessings,
Joan
Thank you for these scriptures. I have two prodigal sons. They are away at college, 2000 miles away. All I can do is pray them through this rebellious stage and pray most of all they return to God. Thank you for the scriptures you shared and for the comfort you received.
Hi Blue Cotton Memory – this is a lovely post. God is faithful and gracious to those who constantly seek Him out. thank you for this testimony. I also want to thank you for linking up with me this past wednesday and look forward to seeing you there again this week.
God bless
Tracy
Wow that’s an amazing story and your attitude is so encouraging! I love what you said here too: ‘The realization that you do not know it all is the beginning of wisdom.’ 🙂 God bless you and your family.
Good morning! I just recently found your blog…my son too just graduated from his Basic Training/AIT and is now stationed at Ft. Hood, TX. He is getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan in May and your blog posts have been such a blessing to me. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us! I was in tears reading your thoughts right before you saw him for the 1st time…this new man…as it mirrored how I felt right before seeing Peter. He was gone for 17 weeks as his Basic and AIT were combined. I’m so proud of the man he has become. And yes, the 1st letter I received that he shared he had been going to church services was such an answer to prayer and made my heart leap for joy! I’m a memeber of a group of ARMY moms who met on fb and have a private support page…I have shared the links to your posts on our page and hope many of them will find the same encouragement in your writings as I have. Thank you for the blessings!! Dee – from California
What a beautiful expression of a mother’s heart!! I am far from launching my little guys, but I am amazed by how I look to their future and manhood. As far off as it seems, I know that it will be but a blink of an eye and I will find myeslf asking the same questions of the Lord, and relying on the same promises from His Word. Congratulations momma!! How nice to begin to see the fruit of the seeds sown and nurtured for years!!
Beautiful! And beautifully recounted! Well done, Mama!
Our God is awesome! Good job mom! and thank you so much for these reminders from our Lord. our oldest is only 8 but it is amazing how much i find myself thinking and praying for his future and my other boys. it is step by step.
What a great post. God does have it all under control. And He knows our hearts and our love for our children. You should print this post and give to him… I am sure he will cherish it always!
What an amazing, encouraging story of a man growing up! So filled with joy for you as you experience the grace and love of our Lord as he tells you “Well done good and faithful servant!”. Praying for you as you continue to release your son and other children. Thanks so much for sharing this! (visiting from MOB society)