Sometimes when life gets really tough for a long period of time, instead of walking in faith, I found myself searching, kind of like trying to fix a stove – analyzing what is wrong, what part to replace, testing, re-testing, trying anything – to fix the problem, so cooking (life) would not be so challenging.
I felt exhausted trying to fix something, do something right that maybe I was doing wrong but always coming up empty. Nothing worked. Solution overload exhausted me. Did I need to be better, stronger, friendlier, more courageous, more resilient, more long-suffering, wiser, work harder at something? What? The problem, as I saw it, was with me; however, I could not diagnose the problem, only the symptoms. Oh, to identify the problem in order to fix it! Only that would release me from the little hell I was living in.
And, Sunday, I saw it – God knows I am not perfect. God knows that I could and should be better, but He knows I try. But that is not what He wants most from me. Mostly, all God wants me to do is just Love Him. Simply Love Him. He wants me to stop, get my head out of the proverbial oven I am trying to fix, sit back and just gaze at Him, search His heart, let Him wrap His arms around me and fill me with His strength – to rest in Him.
I read in To Tell the Truth that in order to let others know about the love of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost – we cannot use church language – because so many people do not even understand the concept of a loving Father – maybe their father abused them or walked out on them? To them, possibly the concept of a loving father does not exist. Additionally, many people have not been brought up in the church, leaving churchy language no foundation with which to build upon. It just sounds churchy – or, shudder, religious. Moving beyond the words (Logos), we need to bring God’s message, God’s love, mercy, hope and faithless to His promises alive, we have to Rama-ize – tell what God has done in our lives, how His promises work in my life.
To Rest in Him sounds so churchy, so floaty and out of reach – like you have to be Holy in order to . . . rest. . . in. . .. Him. One of my sons says I live in a fantasy world – because of what I believe about God. Well, it is not a fantasy world. It is a Hope and Faith World – if God did not exist and He was not faithful to His Word, then, yes, it would be a fantasy world. But He does and He is.
And sometimes you have to fall to the bottom of all that is within you – when you reach the end of yourself – where you have no clue about what to do. You cannot even think any more you are so overwhelmed. It feels like your heart is about to give out – that heart being your energy to do – that is when you really just hand it all over to Him and collapse, exhausted, emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted – and all you know is you love and need Him more than anything in the world.
I gave up the search, slowly pulled myself out of that proverbial oven I was trying to fix, and stepped back, collapsing at the very bottom of me – and put all that emotion, mental process, problem-solving energy – everything I was throwing at that stove (challenge), I finally just put it into the act of throwing myself into God’s arms, and loving Him.
And in order to love God, guess what? I have to know God. That means learning about what He has to say in His word. Having Relationship – not religion – through spending time, listening through His word to what He has to say to me, talking to Him through prayer – and, just, well, talking, and, then listening to hear what He has to say. And sometimes when you put all that do-it-yourself fix-it stuff aside, you can hear Him.
And, you know what? I found Peace. Joy. Comfort. And a lifting of that awful feeling of oppressiveness. And, like, the best of Fathers, He takes care of the problem with that Proverbial stove – or shows me what I need to do.
11 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1Kings 19:11-13)
“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you”(James 4:8)
1″ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore”(Psalm 121)