This is my Valentine’s Post after the fact – because, well, love is all year long – and that is when it means the most. So, what kind of man do you love? What kind of man did you decide to spend the rest of your life with, 365 days of the year 24/7 for 75+ years? Is your man a gift from God or did you set out on a quest from Barbie Doll days to find the biggest, ummmm, dumb a** in the world?
As a mother of 5 sons, I try daily to raise Godly men who will be an Elkannah-type husband to a Hannah-type wife. It is tough when society, egged on by a media separated from the cultural roots, provides layers and layers of video and audio that redefine the character of men and even women. Society has created a culture buffett of husband molds for boys and men that create inappropriate expectations like the hero-role or, sadly, the blockhead roll .
Of course, we do not see much of the Hero Role lately. However, the hero-role says the husband will fix everything from your history of dysfunction to the harvest of bad choices to even saving you from yourself. Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment. No man could ever fulfill the hero-roll. Only God can do that.
The second role gained momentum in Everybody Loves Raymond to radio DJ girl-guy pairings. I stopped listening to a Christian radio channel every morning on the way to school because I grew tired and frustrated hearing demeaning comments about men and their abilities and thinkology to the male DJ. We recently moved and the music channel we listened to had the same type of pairing with the same disparaging comments about men. Just last week, they changed to a two-male DJ format – and I love it – no more man-bashing and treating the man as if he would a Neanderthal. Why would I want my boys to listen to that?
What woman wakes up every morning saying, “I am so excited. I am marrying the dumbest guy on the face of the earth. I cannot wait to spend my life with an idiot.” Did you every say, “I’m in love. He’s such a nitwit! You are going to love him, too.”
This attitude has permeated our culture so insidiously that even a comment made by Supreme Court Judge Sonia Sotomayor was debated during her nominee hearings: “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”
Men are so pathetic that they have no richness of life? No qualifying experiences to denote wisdom? Intelligence?
Would moms of daughters like it if moms of sons raised them to not only view women as subservient, intellectually inferior and Pavlovian in nature – just pat them on the head like a favorite dog and they’ll come to heel nicely? I think not.
People always live up to standards and expectations set in a classroom, in a youth room, in the family room. Expectations need to be set high for these boys to men, not set to the lowest common denominator equivalent to a trained chimpanzee.
Valentines Day, a day where the love between a man and a woman is celebrated! How beautiful, sigh. . .
What kind of man do you want for your daughter? What kind of husband do you pray for your daughter to marry? What kind of boy does she want to “go” together with in the 5th grade when she is not supposed to be going with anybody? What kind of young man in high school do you want her to date? What kind of man do you want her to walk down the aisle with? What kind of man do you want to raise your grandchildren?
Discard the media-driven faux-culturally created man. Talk respect. Talk nobleness. Talk about the amazing qualities of men. Yes, women have these same qualities, too, but girls lives these traits differently. I love being married to a man with the manly qualities of these traits.
Strength: Face it ladies, men are stronger than women. Wait until your 13 year old can lift the edge of a couch easiser than you can. Men can slam the ball harder in a tennis game. Yes, they can even win every arm wrestling match. And then, there’s that inner strength, too.
Courage: Who gets up to check on the scary sounds in the middle of the night? Who do you call when there is a snake or mouse in the house? Who would stand in front of you to protect you from danger?
Nobleness: I think this must be one of the most romantic words in the language. Nobleness is knightly. Nobleness opens doors when your hands are full or not. Nobleness self-sacrifices. Nobleness meets your family and loves you and them anyway. Nobleness sees the best in people. Nobleness wraps its arms around you when you’ve behaved badly and helps you forgive yourself without making you feel like a stink bug.
Confidence: A confident man does not say, “I think I love you. . . I think we can make it. . . Sure, I guess I want to spend eternity with you.” A confident man says, “I know I love you. I know we can make it. Enternity would be empty without you.” A confident man may not know all the answers, but walks in faith.
Leadership: Leadership takes responsiblity for the vision and success or failure of that vision. True leadership allows the support team to soar as high as it possibly can.
Protector: A true protector allows you to fight your battles, but when you are unable to fight or the fight has gone out stands guard, providing the opportunity for emotional, spiritual and physical recovery. Of course, they do it much differently than women but that makes it so much more wonderful.
Steadfast: Always Faithful! Never gives up or lets me give up. Steadfast is never a duty. Steadfast is driven by conviction and belief to the core of the heart.
What are the favorite qualities of your husbands? What are must-have qualities you want from your daughter’s future husbaands? You can find out about mine in the following: Prayer for My Sons Wife and Mr Right.
My husband is kind, intelligent, steady, strong, and beautiful through and through. He makes me a better person.
Personal Responsibility: My husband makes it his business to take responsibility for himself, his actions, his successes and his faults. He never waivers when it’s time to face-up to mistakes and imperfections. It’s a quality I admire and pray for in our 3 sons.
Yes there is now the accepted man-bashing culture. I don’t like it. I don’t like how it’s “cool” or “witty” to demean your husband. Great post!
You have 5 boys, too? I already love you!
The picture on your header melts my heart. Mine are all still pretty young- 10 and under. I can not wait until they are older and have a new appreciation or one antoher.
It is so pressing the thoughts always on a mothers mind about raising boys, who will become men, who will some day be husbands and fathers and leading homes and you just can not help but wonder…. am I doing everything right while I raise them?
Will they love their wives as woman should be loved. Will they father their children as a man should. Will they lead their home in a Godly way.
It keeps me up some nights.
Love your blog!
5 SONS! Wow! You are busy chasing those boys! Personally I think there is just a people bashing culture. It is bad where I work. I am in a new department and have chosen to stay away from the old one because of the negativity. I want to live a positive life.
Stopping by from SITS! Please stop by! http://extremepersonalmeasures.blogspot.com/
My dad is all those incredible traits you described…he is my hero! He has been a wonderful role model for my 19-year old son, who looks up to him with love and admiration. He and my mom are still very much in love after 50 years of marriage, and in that respect he is also a role model for my 2 daughters (17 & 16).
Next time around I want a man who is not afraid to stick up for his values and it wouldn’t hurt if he was a handyman, either (ha ha…!).
Thanks for another great read… 🙂
Excellent, excellent post. Thanks, from a father of six boys seeking to raise that kind of man in each one of them.
Hal
Beautiful. Stopping by from SITS.
SO true!! I love this post. It’s hard because when women get together now, they often start into a husband-bash fest. I don’t want to be a part of that. It’s completely rooted in self-centeredness and the “ugh my husband doesn’t understand me like my girlfriends do” attitude. But, I trully believe if we communicate, that’s not true! My husdband knows me better than anyone-and still loves me!
Stopping by from SITS 🙂
I’m so blessed to have a hubby who has been supportive of me when trials came my way with my own family. He is a hard worker and always puts his family first, a protector like what you talked about. So happy to have him for my son to look up to. God bless sister. Have a great week!
the qualities you mentioned here are so valuable and necessary for men to lead a family and raise children to lead their lives toward truth as well. I pray that by God’s grace my husband and I can bestow these traits in my sons as well. I desire them to love the Lord with all of their heart and seek to live in close and intimate fellowship with Him allowing the transforming power of His mercy, grace, and unconditional love to impart the same in them toward others, especially their wives and children.
Well-said and couldn’t agree more. It is such a challenge to bring up boys in our culture. Thank goodness that they can find their self-worth through their relationship with God, and not what society has to say. It is a terrible double standard. Men could never get away saying the same kind things about women. I love coming to your blog. I always find something inspiring here.
My husband is definitely steadfast and strong. I married him for being a man of his word and a man of God.
I certainly want my son to be all that you wrote about and my daughter to marry a guy that has all those qualities.
It’s hard to know if we’re accomplishing all that, but we’re trying. God is surely good and will be their guide.
Thanks again for another honest and informative, thought provoking post.
Take care,
Nannette
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