What do I think of her. . . .
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. My dad had issues with faithfulness. We moved in with my grandparents. They were my favorites! My mom remarried when I was 10. It only lasted a year. He was an alcoholic.
My mom raised two children on minimum wage, inconsistent child support, and determination. We went to church twice a week. We feasted on holidays. Cooking in the kitchen was seeped in tradition. She also designed beautiful dresses for me to wear. I wanted navy blue lace for my prom dress—it was a Christmas prom. A customer from the hardware store had a son who worked for Bill Blass. He sent her the most beautiful navy blue lace. I felt like a princess—in navy.
My brother and I worked to help pay for our high school education. We went to Christian schools. I say we were charged the poor man’s charge. If we wanted to go to a movie, go skating, buy a record (yes, back in the day), we worked for our money. We had to. My mom will tell you the happiest days of her life : the day my brother and I were born, graduated from college, and married. We’ve both been married to our college sweethearts for 25+ years.
In my “Marriage Class” my senior year, the counselor asked, “If you earn $10,000 a year, you are considered poverty. Now, how many of your parents make under $10,000 a year? Raise your hand.”
I might have been “poverty,” but I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t raise my hand. During dinner that night, I told my grandmother and mom what I’d learned in school—that we were poverty. Stunned, my mom put down her fork, looked at my grandmother, and explained how between the two of them, they were able to make do.
I learned a great lesson that day. I might have been poverty, but I was family-values rich, work-ethic rich, and tradition rich.
I’ve digressed somewhat, but I did that to get to my point. I wanted you to understand why my point is so important to me. When I was 11, I remember talking to God. I figured if my own mama couldn’t figure out who the right man was for her, how was I ever going to.
There was nothing more I wanted than to find the right man and live my dream—writing, married to a faithful man who would love me forever, and be immersed in all the trappings of a traditional family.
I made a pact with God. I wouldn’t just date to have something to do on Friday night. I wouldn’t image date, either. God just needed to let me know who the right guy was. I was desperate to break the cycle of dysfunction. I dreamed “function.”
It was hard. I didn’t really understand why these guys who looked great on paper–they met all my criteria, didn’t make me feel like I thought I should feel—a forever feel. I thought something was wrong with me. People gave me a hard time for sticking to my plan. Nobody knew about my pact with God but me. Often, I felt like a fish swimming upstream.
However, God answered my prayers. He let me know that my husband was the one. When that person comes into your life, during the time you spend together, God allows you to feel a trust, like the inborn trust a child has for its parent. God brought my dreams to life. He has given me my heart’s desire.
When my sons are old enough, we talk about taking it to God ( See Are You Man Enough ).
This What do you think about her question is so irrelevant in that light. Nosy, gossipy people probably itch for a, “No.” What mom would ever say, “No,” anyhow? If you selflessly love your children, how could you ever think or say, “No, I don’t think much of him/her.”
My son is marrying a Godly, ballet-dancing, child-loving, beautiful young woman with a deep rich laugh. She is quietly direct, thoughtful, and writes the most beautiful thank you notes.
That is not what gives me peace, though. What gives me peace is that a Christian boy and a Christian girl sought God’s plan for their lives. They prayed about their relationship, making sure that the other was the one in God’s plan for their lives.
That kind of answer helps you through the challenges of marriage. When you know that God put you together, you are going to think really hard about second-guessing Him. If you are praying, then you are more apt to treat struggles, differences, and hurts with a God-like compassion. Forgiveness and selflessness become part of the dialogue.
I don’t have to worry. Worry is not trusting in God. If they’ve sought God’s will, then I will rest in the Hope He has provided for their future. I have Faith that God is true to His promises.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”(Jeremiah 29:11).
What do I think of her? She is the “yes” answer to his prayer! How awesome is that?