Got a son that doesn’t want to succeed in school? Doesn’t care? Leaves you baffled with your jaw dropped on the ground? I have one.
He is an awesome worker outside of school. Frustratingly, just like the young men in my college composition course at a phenomenal engineering school, if he does not see how he will really use what he is learning, he just is not interested – and just will not try. “I was short-sighted,” is how my oldest son described his view of education in high school – of course, he was in college when he realized that. It appears short-sightedness is a common high school ailment.
Friday night found me in the van with my high school student-son. Sometimes the best discussions are when I am behind the wheel of the car. I told him that if you cannot succeed in school, you cannot succeed in life.
“What? If I don’t do well in English, I won’t succeed? How does that work with cars?” he asked in his usual let’s-tear-apart-arguments style.
I told him, “English doesn’t matter. Math doesn’t matter. History and Science? Well, really they don’t matter. There’s something you do in each class, that if you cannot master, you will utterly fail at everything you do in life:
Without the ability to do that, you cannot hold a job. Who wants to hire someone who has not mastered the process of task completion? Would you hire someone to work in your auto shop who would not successfully complete the assignment you gave them?”
Since Saturday, he has been quizzed relentlessly on this Trinity of Success – in the car, at the table, while he is walking through the room, reading in his bed. I really ought to record it and play it while he sleeps. I am texting it to him daily. School is no longer about subject matter. It is about learning how to get the job done – whether you like the job or not.
As a parent, you can take things away like social events, phones, games and privileges. Sometimes it works; sometimes it does not. We pray every morning that we do our best as a gift to God. I pray that God gives me the right words at the right moments. The teen years are like the Dark Ages, followed by the Age of Enlightenment and Reformation. What is obvious to me – or even obvious to them before they hit a certain age – leaves me baffled.
But I accepted this assignment (as a mom). I am going to complete it with determination (not give up and do the best I can even if all I have to get through is faith). And I will turn it in (I will be held accountable for the job I’ve done – my grade might not be perfect – but I can claim I did my best)!
I too have the best conversations with my kids in the car…
I don’t have the homework problem as of yet, but my son, although good at reading HATES it. We are struggling with his accelerated reading grade. Which I only half fuss…the kid has straight “A’s” and can read, he just doesn’t like to.
I say give the kid a reading test, if he passes, leave him alone. Some people just don’t like to read. But then that is my soapbox…Sorry!
I think you are doing a great job with your son.
I wrote down the Trinity of Success for my daughter. Thank you. Your insight is so fresh and helpful.
Nannette
“We pray every morning that we do our best as a gift to God. I pray that God gives me the right words at the right moments.”
What great reminders of what to pray for! Thank you.
LOVE this line of thought! I always get that same arguement from my son and I love the way you’ve turned it around so it isn’t about a particular assignment, but about the bigger picture.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. This is a good post. My oldest is 7 and she is struggling with school and I feel like I’m lost with what to do.
Thank you for reminding me that I should pray for the bigger picture.
I love that Trinity of Success. It says it all so succinctly. Definitely going to use it with my two!! My oldest has started to complain about his homework so this is timely.
Stopping by from SITS!
lol! This trinity was printed before I even finished reading the post. I have been putting together printouts to help my 14 year old, determined to be an auto mechanic, high schooler, with a poem project due Friday, which we will complete as we drive around town and enjoy a smoothie. Love that I sat down to read blogs before he arrives from school. Now I have more meat to add to this process. As well as a new piece of paper on the fridge with the trinity of success! Thank you thank you thank you. Hang tight girlfriend!!
I did an article about this once for work, about why more and more women were going and graduating college than men. Several educators and experts told me that men tend to be more rebellious and adventurous–like they don’t look at the big picture, just the future.
Have you looked at Etsy for an illustrator for your book?
Good job mom. For this lack of motivation is exactly why my son is in a military school. Now, he is making great grades.
I just think this is your best post ever. I love the trinity. It fits every area of life. I heard a minister say it like this – Do the right thing it because it’s right then do it right. I honestly don’t think parenting every ends just the structure of it changes.
Fabulous. I have been telling my son the same thing for years. It isn’t about the content of the class but the discipline that comes from doing the work. Isn’t it funny how important the 3rd rule is? So many times my son has done the work and neglected to turn in the assignment. And I love how your older son admits he was short sighted in high school. I am looking forward to a future day when I hear something similar from mine.
thank you for sharing this post with me. you’re right…it makes me feel so much better to know i’m not alone. and…i love the trinity of success!!
great post!
I found this post via Krysta MacGray, she is a friend of mine that has a food blog. My name is Chris Spradlin and I have a parenting blog called http://www.epicparent.tv and I would love to re-post this article if you would allow me to? I have been working on a post for homework and this says it much better than I could ever say it…I will link to your site and give you full credit for sure….
let me know what you think…
love your blog by the way!
chris